Hazy shadows are swirling around,
drifting, covering my mind in a haze—
these dreams I dash upon the ground;
as professing Love, my hopes are raised:
but how long will this dream last?
Drifting, covering my mind in a haze
these nightmares and reveries of my past
leave my eyes wet with tears…
But how long will this dream last?—
almost seems it’s fading now; replaced by fears
and tensions great. Too bad, now I taste the pain—
it leaves my eyes wet with tears.
Now I’m lost amidst these feelings—the bane
of all that I hold sacred; so lost amongst these visions
and tensions great. Too bad, now I taste the pain
of my existence—the blade’s subtle precision.
Hazy shadows are swirling around
all that I hold sacred; so lost amongst these visions—
these dreams I dash upon the ground.
Author notes
Woo...another terzanelle..heh...apparently I like this style
Written February 12th, 2004
In a list
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Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Lol...awesome idea
...a religion of my very own...lol
And thank you for your comments by the way
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The more I read of this style, the better I liked it... You picked some awesome lines for your repetition. It has great flow, and rhythm. So far, its my favorite of your poems that you've posted. Oh yeah- and something to do with a creative writing/philosophy degree- start your own religion! lol
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Good Poem
From the hate and dismay that wreaks our lives come the poems that define others. Perhaps the struggle hear is shared by thousands or confined to one in a bath tub. However to all it may seem as though the "freaks" ask for attention then i'd say give it to them, espeacially with writes like these!! Excellent thought provoking drama the battle of the long desired dream states reality and the feirce coppliment of pain's truth. The truth that this is our reality. Good write. I ponder yet, though, what might happen if you ever took a lighter side to your poems? But this much may remain a mystery.
Thanks
Anthony -
Aww..thank you. Yea..I've been trying to branch out in different styles recently...seem to have fallen in love with villanelles and terzanelles . Thank you for your kind comment.
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guess what, i envy those poets who writes triolet, villanelle, and to tell you the truth, this is the first time i read this kind of write in here... nice words chosen...
this is bookmarked! Keep writing...
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this is a beautiful write- i wish i had more time to comment on it--- ahhh i gotta go
great write,
~Christine~ -
prettyness =)
hey! thank you sooooo much for the comment on my poem. me thinks everyone questions thier sexuality..and it's perfectly normal. there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being bi, gay, w/e..lol, sorry for blaggin so long. now i'll get to your poem. i really REALLY like this piece. i love how, in the begining, you repeated the question a few times. this is a beautiful poem. i think i will marry it
~*Angela*~ -
That was a very well written poem. I can relate...
Hope to read some more soon! -
Thank you..I appreciate it
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Yeah i will do that, i have some written but i just need to add them. i will comment on more of yours soon. they seem good.
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Hey..thank you for the feedback..I love getting comments on my poems (as does everyone I think..lol). Anyway..let me know when you post some more, ok? I'd love to read them..I can relate to your feelings..heh.
~Ica~ -
great
wow that is very good. i can totally relate. a lot of times i wish that i could make things dissapear but they wont go away so the cutting helps but not for all that long. i like how you said taste the pain i feel that a lot. anyway this is an amazing poem. i really like it! -
brilliant,
'Hazy shadows are swirling around' I can see where the title comes from, hazy shadows swirling round would definately make something dissappear. A dream or not a dream, sometimes when love is fading and going from our lives it feels like a dream, it even plays out like a dream. Great write, thank you for sharing it with us.........
Sanity -
Cool
This is really cool. I too like how you had the concept with the dreams. Keep writing. I really like this. Later. -
nice......very nice.......the style is very interesting......
'as professing Love, my hopes are raised:
but how long will this dream last?
Drifting, covering my mind in a haze'
great poem
gina
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Very well written! I love the whole concept with dreams. Keep up the good work!
-- Mango -
Thank you..I appreciate the comment
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In touch with your darker side at the time of writing I see.
This poem is painful because it is good.
Well done -
thanx for your comment no suiceide isnt the way out that was a piece of my GSCE course work, well this poem is verry good though it leaves me thinking which is goo, the flow is good and the ryming schyme is good i HATE poems that dont ryme but yours does and the subject fits in, an extremly good piece well done keep writing your good.
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