~~
There are her eyes
stagnant pools of love
where sorrows swim,
staring down at life again.
Anger sunk into her depths
and tiny minnows grew
into the whale that ate her up
from inside out.
It gnawed the edges
of what she could digest.
Then depression spread itself
blocking everything out.
Her teary eyes formed the sea
where her lips were long mute
for want of better things to say;
for want of something to smile about.
The music of her voice was
lost in the waves;
memories spoken with pearlized lips
smothered by a silent shroud.
Underneath the new sea life,
where the ripples dissipate
and fishes are swept away by the tide,
there are her sightless eyes,
that sit in clouds of sea born silt
stirred by boats in aimless drift,
There are her eyes open still;
Cool mirrors where I see myself
drowning in the pools
where sorrows swim and grow,
but tears have drained away.
~~
Author notes
~stop your tears~
Written February 12th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Write free verse fromsubjects given Winklings & friends # 84 by Lyndon.
3500 points, ended May 27, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Bitter times indeed!
I feel you nicely rounded out the poem through a re-emphasis of theme. However, in between, the imagery is overly moist with misery, I felt. Perhaps there is too much imagery not developing but re-hashing the 'line' of
bitter experience.
On the other hand, as technique, the visuals are good. You use the sea quite adroitly for your purposes:
"Cool mirrors where I see myself
drowning in the pools
where sorrows swim and grow".
Thank you very much for entering this free verse contest, dear poet.
Lyndon of the Winklings.
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This is a poem packed with a lot of emotion and visuals. Nicely worded though a bit redundant in theme. Aptly placed in a category of 'Bitter Days'
"there are her eyes that do not see,
that sit in clouds of sea born silt
I liked these lines but may have tightened them up with
"sightless eyes in clouds of sea-born silt"
The theme and visual are strong and stark in these words. I liked that so much.
Thank you for your entry. ~Pamela
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I truly appreciate you comments and suggestion for the "sea-born silt" line. Thanks for your insight. ~ Joyce
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dont think there is much left to say , think all the above comments seem to say it all , is simply amazing words , filled with such power emotions and the imagery wonderful , will be sure to get around to read other works penned from you , maybe can actually learn something ... JP *s*
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Joyce deep but brillant my friend, is this about seeing yourself taken in to the sorrows of this lady being able to like relate or all you personaly? Either eway being taken into the depression and swollowed in by this is what I reflected.
If you need me friend call me or I can you email away...((Hugs))
Love,Sherry
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Hi, beautiful Joyce, this is lovely and reminds me of myself, and gathering in the universally- known in every reader is the mark of a great piece of writing. Your work is metamorphosing from the dry land of your exigencies into something very beautiful, girl. I love it.
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a heartwrenching piece of how depression blankets a soul
that is no longer able to speak....
great writing in sorrow
I like your symbolism in this one
Tamara -
Your words are like tiny knives...Digging into the skin with the coldness of loss and heartache.
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I think this is the icing on the cake. This piece simply lefting me 'wow'ing' your work:
"there are her eyes
that do not see for want of life,
that sit in clouds of sea born silt
stirred by boats in aimless drift,"
An excellent write, start to finish. very meaningful. Thanks,
Spear -->
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hauntingly beautiful
My, how different than what I expected. Haunting in it's sea metaphor - especially because for me the ocean represents all things good, free, powerful, moving. I think the silt line just about made me collapse...beautiful angst - a rarity. -
Amazing
I have felt the same many times.....the deep expression you have in your words...you yield a mighty pen! -
WOW, this is really a great peice. I enjoyed reading it. But my eyes kept moving to the background. I really like it. May I use it? Well anyways, thank you so much for sharing your words and experiences with all of us here.
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