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deceived

mirror, mirror on the wall
while i sit in his dark thrall—
paralysed, begin to fall—
answer now my questions all.

mirror, mirror, ever fair
as you sit in silence there
lay my insecureness bare
will you answer my old prayer?

mirror, mirror, deep and cold
as you weak reflection hold
ever mocking, ever bold
do not now answers withhold.

mirror, mirror, answer me
listen to my fervent plea
do not always silent be
tell me now, what do you see?

mirror, mirror
on the wall
does he love me?

not at all.

Author notes

"Let it Rock"
By AllThatRemains
Hope this is what you were looking for on your boring day here in the middle of June. -grins-

A contest entry

Any chance that someone could suggest a better title for this thing? -chuckles-

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 36 of 36

  • thoughtfuldead
    November 7

    Edit | Reply
    This is amazing. It's certainly something many of us can relate to. I love the way your words really grasp the emotion of this poem. GREAT JOB!

  • clockface
    August 15

    Edit | Reply
    You are quite good at straying from the typical when it comes to rhyming.
    This is so melancholy. I don't think I'd ever be able to make a rhyming-poem sound sad or any other sort of emotion, really.

    Congrats on the gold & HM, love.


    • AllThatRemains
      August 15
      Edit | Reply
      Awwwww.
      Thank you, sis.
      (And yes, you can make rhyming poems beautiful, silly.)


  • Ami
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    Loved the ending this was really good I've seen a lot of "mirror mirror on the wall" writes but so far this is my favorite thank you for entering and good luck


  • Antebellum
    July 20

    Edit | Reply
    mirror, mirror
    on the wall
    does he love me?

    not at all.

    I really like this ending.
    very strong,
    thanks for entering.


  • Vintage Chiffon
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for sharing your wonderful poem
    You have made it to the finals
    I am going to take some time and re-read in depth
    with a score of my own (and for myself to see)
    On where everyone should be based at and placed.

    -Damien


  • Vintage Chiffon
    July 16
    Edit | Reply
    EXCELLENT JOB!!!
    Thanks so much for entering
    This was very creative and yet original.
    good luck
    Damien


  • itsaLOVEstory
    March 31
    Edit | Reply
    I love it! The thought of it is really cool.
    Well done.


  • perfectsunset gold member
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done.
    Great thoughts & portrayals.
    I liked the "mirror mirror on the wall"
    portrayal.

    Thanks for entering & best of luck


  • sideways hourglass
    March 21

    Edit | Reply
    I didn't know you could rhyme! I thought you were a straight-up free verse poet.

    "do not now answers withhold" - not sure what you were trying to say?

    The first stanza was my favorite part.

    • AllThatRemains
      March 21
      Edit | Reply
      Oh, I used to rhyme exclusively before I figured out what freeverse was and that yes, I could do that too.
      That line still bugs me, yeah. What I was trying to say was "stop being so frakking quiet and answer me", but it didn't want to fit in with the form in which I was writing. Bleh. >.<
      Thank you!


  • one-broken-heart
    March 15
    Edit | Reply

    Woah

    Wow, I dont know what to say.
    I love it.
    Kudos for you lol.
    =]


  • jcat gold member
    March 1

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!!! I am completely blown away here!!! This was incredible, your rhyme and flow were perfection (in my humble opinion)....I can not and do not rhyme so am always impressed to find people that can do it and do it well!!! As far as content goes I love the emotion you conveyed and the ending was a hitter!!! How many times have we wondered this question? Would have given anything to have him love you only to be told otherwise?? A very relateable and touching piece!!

  • poets whisper silver member
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    lay my insecureness bare ... that line makes me shudder. I don't think many of us have the courage to be laid bare when it comes to insecurities...that just too naked. thanks for entering


  • daviscth silver member
    February 10

    Edit | Reply
    I love this and the imagery is wonderful. It reminds me so much of a teenager in love and makes me remember.....
    Thanks for sharing in my contest.


  • Anu-Nataraj
    January 12
    Edit | Reply
    wow..amazing...i feel like this right now !

    thank u for speaking MY he art out =D !

    good luc


  • star girl
    January 10

    Edit | Reply

    Creative

    it seems creative and deep at teh same time.
    I liked it a lot.Its very nicely written, you did a nice job on this.
    Thank you for entering!

    ~Stargirl~


  • januaryrain gold member
    January 4
    Edit | Reply
    Very creative write, the rhyme and flow are great.
    Well done.


  • EndlessNameless
    January 2
    Edit | Reply

    deep

    i read this, then read it again. i see it as a VERY deep reflection of yourself. i really liked it.


  • Beverlynohime
    January 1

    Edit | Reply
    I like the mono rhyme of each stanza...cute idea and this had a deep meaning! This is just perfect and you know when we're bored sometimes we write the best things and don't even know it. I hope you know...YOU HAVE.


    • AllThatRemains
      January 1
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah. When one is bored, the muses tend to start playing with you... Thank you!


  • Blood-Colour-Passion
    January 1
    Edit | Reply
    An excellent theme written about in an excellent manner. I enjoy the harshness this poem portrays, the constant nagging doubts in the depth of the human soul. Very bleak. I congratulate you.

    And no, I'm not going to help a rival contestant by suggesting a better title.


  • iamlost gold member
    January 1

    Edit | Reply
    That last line is haunting, I love it.

    I like how the rhyme is each stanza is for every end line, it really makes the poem catch your interest and keep it, as well as making each line stronger, and the rhyme doesn't feel forced. Your word choice is strong and perfect for creating the emotions in this.

    I especially love the personification of the mirror, holding back all answers, mocking you with its silence, until you finally end up answering your own question at the end. This is a beautiful dark piece that I could really feel the emotion in, and I very much enjoyed reading it.

    Thanks for the entry and good luck in the contest,
    ~lost

1 - 36 of 36