She was like the Sun,
which shone from her face,
her flawless face, so brightly.
She did not plant the thoughts of lust, or chicanery
in the minds of those who saw her,
but she helped them to grow, and to branch
and then bear fruit;
claret pomes of destruction.
She was like the Sun,
which shone from atop her steed,
that noble steed,
which looked more like a silly ass
with her upon it's back.
She knew what she was doing when she coaxed them in;
the effete, dim whits,
who had very little hope from the start.
How she enjoyed manipulating their melanin,
coming just close enough
to leave them burnt, aching and feeling so very dumb.
She was like the Sun,
which was simply too bright to behold,
yet we sneaked looks anyways,
again and again,
until we were stone blind.
Author notes
chicanery- trickery
claret- deep purplish red
pomes- apples
effete- degenerate, unproductive
In a list
A contest entry
- Win $50, and be published in the next Allpoetry Book! by Kevin.
400 points, ended January 15, 2009, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Yum, Auditions. by Not-The-Sun.
900 points, ended December 26, 2009, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
If you utter so much as one syllable I'll hunt you down and gut you like a fish - The Grinch
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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wow this is wonderful. great extended metaphor!
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"She knew what she was doing when she coaxed them in;
the effete, dim whits,
who had very little hope from the start.
How she enjoyed manipulating their melanin,
coming just close enough
to leave them burnt, aching and feeling so very dumb."
This was an extremely great piece.
The repetition was perfect and helped the flow.
This should surely make it to the next round of your auditions contest.
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thank you so much, lucky for me it did
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this read like one of those older poems back in the day, except without rhymed and i loved that.
i am going to say yes to the yum auditions.
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hmmm, I'm going to say no, actually. Please wait for one more judge to comment for Yum Auditions.
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beautiful ending, beautiful beginning.
i say yes.
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shine on me this is a very good poem , thank you for producing it and also for making it avaliable for all of us to see , please do keep up the very good work that you are doing , i look forward to reading more of your work . Again a very good piece of work ( poem ) all around , love the use of words
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I wd prefer "He" was like the Sun
Great poem -
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Why's that?
"She" does not refer to all women by the way. Just one, or maybe two I don't know, but I know of one. Thanks for reading.
Carrie
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"Until we were stone blind". I love that. Nice piece!
Best wishes -
inspiring
thumbs up
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Some terrific images here, well worth a read and a re-read
Great stuff
Jeff
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This is a beautiful piece ^^ <3
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inspire
I liked the title, and you carried the theme throughout.
It was a very interesting character portrayal, with many shades of gray. Very cool reading.
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Thank you
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DEAR CHILD OF INTELLECT
YOUR POEM IS BEAUTIFULL.She was like the Sun,
which was simply too bright to behold,
yet we sneaked looks anyways,
again and again,
until we were stone blind.
A REMARKABLE BUT SIMPLE POEM
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Thank you so very much.
Carrie
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amazing
really... -
This piece inspired me...
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