She was like the Sun,
which shone from her face,
her flawless face, so brightly.
She did not plant the thoughts of lust, or chicanery
in the minds of those who saw her,
but she helped them to grow, and to branch
and then bear fruit;
claret pomes of destruction.
She was like the Sun,
which shone from atop her steed,
that noble steed,
which looked more like a silly ass
when supporting her fine character.
She knew what she was doing when she coaxed them in;
the effete, barren ones,
who had very little hope from the start.
How she enjoyed manipulating their melanin,
coming just close enough
to leave them burnt, aching and feeling so very dumb.
She was like the Sun,
which was simply too bright to behold,
yet we sneaked looks anyways,
again and again,
until we were stone blind.
Author notes
chicanery- trickery
claret- deep purplish red
pomes- apples
effete- degenerate, unproductive
In a list
A contest entry
- Win $50, and be published in the next Allpoetry Book! by Kevin.
400 points, ended January 15, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Did this piece inspire you, annoy you????? thanks for reading
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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shine on me
this is a very good poem , thank you for producing it and also for making it avaliable for all of us to see , please do keep up the very good work that you are doing , i look forward to reading more of your work . Again a very good piece of work ( poem ) all around , love the use of words
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I wd prefer "He" was like the Sun
Great poem -
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Why's that?
"She" does not refer to all women by the way. Just one, or maybe two I don't know, but I know of one. Thanks for reading.
Carrie
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Interesting and nicely written
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Very nice job!
Thank you for the entry!
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"Until we were stone blind". I love that. Nice piece!
Best wishes -
inspiring
thumbs up
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masterfully executed Carrie...
This has more of a timeless vintage flow. Very whimsicle in nature with a more worldly classed structure to its form. It reminds me of say: Anne of Green Gables meets Homer's Illiad.
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melanin, effete, pomes, claret, chicanery: thumbs up.
concupiscence & mendacity: thumbs down.
I appreciate poets with a large vocabulary and, as an English teacher, I'm glad to see people using words that have fallen out of general usage since vocabulary is not emphasized in schools like it should be.
However, when it comes to poetry, one can get too wordy. I think "lust" is a much more to-the-point and attractive than the stumbling "concupiscence." Then we have "mendacity" in the same verse as "chicanery..." I think it would be beneficial to pick your favorite of the two (mine is "chicanery," I like the sound) and replace the other with a more common word.
I'm going to add this to the finalists list to ponder... I'm not quite sure on it yet. -
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Thank you so much for the suggestions. I have a vast vocabulary, but my true love is simplicity, and I usually stick with it.
I switched out the two words you pointed out. I had thought a long time about changing mendacity because its meaning was so like chicanery, but I love the word mendacity. I love the way it rolls off the tongue; however, I did replace it because you are right Thank you again.
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Some terrific images here, well worth a read and a re-read
Great stuff
Jeff
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This is a beautiful piece ^^ <3
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inspire
I liked the title, and you carried the theme throughout.
It was a very interesting character portrayal, with many shades of gray. Very cool reading.
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Thank you
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DEAR CHILD OF INTELLECT
YOUR POEM IS BEAUTIFULL.She was like the Sun,
which was simply too bright to behold,
yet we sneaked looks anyways,
again and again,
until we were stone blind.
A REMARKABLE BUT SIMPLE POEM
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Thank you so very much.
Carrie
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amazing
really... -
This piece inspired me...
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