follow me back over those hills--
with the nipping wind bringing us news
of gasoline beasts & dying trees.
Over those streets we skipped & ran--
Laughing the cars out of our knees.
I taunted you to save me--
Or at least let him save me from you.
& all we didn't do.
How he'd walk me everywhere to get out of you.
We walked Home--
it all became my Homes--
Safe places I knew I could forget you
in leather couches & lacy frills.
He was like the boy next door
--and you?
You were like the Devil inside me.
I burned after lips so far removed--
so close to my teeth.
Even as this august brings Fall into our arms & open ears,
April sticks in my throat.
We were as One, weren't we?
(held up in whispers and furtive movements)
I'm still so lost in my head to You.
You would call. Once.
But I was making myself well from You.
You know Paris is a lonely city--
but we made it work to get
the major bleeding stopped.
I'm mostly better dear--
now that your updates have
stopped scuffing up my front hall.
This isn't quite what we'd planned, is it?
But then, I wasn't really what you had planned.
& I've been thinking about God
and how lonely we can get--
We talk over heads--to the wind--
as if the sky could care to know our lives.
We talk ourselves into each other--
& if I can be of use to you, I guess
you'll be sticking around.
Like how I talk myself into Ideals
(without being an optimist)
about how you're coming back
& I'll be better for you then.
God called us each a name--
Something to live up to--
my ideal would be no need for children with our names.
I hope You grow into the chains of a slave.
& every step to us you took,
a step out of yourself.
With the chink of metal rings in every breath.
& your Master's name out on your head.
& I pray we stay on this narrow--
with thorns clawing at our feet.
Let's fall into ravines--
not bother building bridges to each other--
But rather fall in deeper water
then we were before you left.
Yes--
last April still burns inside my throat.
Author notes
NothingButShrooms.
A contest entry
- the catharsis rounds; auditions. by aanika.
1800 points, ended February 10, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [the elemental rounds] wind; like a distant memory by etoile.
700 points, ended May 14, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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this has some great imagery in it.
I really like all the ideas in this.
goodluck and thanks for entering
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yes.
thanks for entering. -
yes.
Please wait for the other judges comment. -
okay.
parts of this, I loved.
but then parts threw me off.
I didn't like the capitalization of random words (not random as in there wasn't a purpose, but random as in scattered throughout the poem).
there were also numerous grammar/spelling issues.
but then again, there were images that stuck out to me as beautiful.
thank you for entering
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i fixed the grammar/spelling issues i saw, but to be honest, i couldn't find that many?
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This is my personal comment for the catharsis rounds.
Upon the closing of the contest, I will comment back with a 'yes' or 'no.'
That being said, I liked this.
I felt some parts were a bit repetitive almost, and some words were repeated a couple times too many.
I also was having to re-read parts to understand it.
You did have some great metaphors and imagery in here, though.
This'll be one to think about, for sure.
I'll be back. =]
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We talk over heads--to the wind--
as if the sky could care to know our lives
(loved this part)
i really like your work. Very imaginative and metaphorical....vivid! I cant say how many times i've spoken to the wind, trees...like they heard or cared.
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thanks so much
i wasn't sure about this one just because its so long.
but im flattered that u took the time to read it through!
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