Can't Keep Living This Lie

I just don't understand

Can't anyone tell me why

I have to feel this sadness

I have to sit in the darkness and cry

Sometimes I can be happy

But right now I can't stop feeling sad

Is there something wrong with me

Everything you have to say gets me mad

Is this because of all the resentment

That I haven't ever let go

You were never there when I needed you

You have become not a mother but more of a foe

I see you as my worst enemy

I dread coming home each night

Cuz it could start with something little or big

But always ends in a fight

I can never forget

How I felt so betrayed

When you call me selfish or say I'm lying

That's when I would reach for my blade

But I can't use my blade

I don't find comfort in it anymore

I just let your words and actions

Continue to break my heart to the core

People say it would be easy

They say if its so hard just leave

But I have tried that before

And you continue to deceive

My hearts breaking wide open

Can't you see my pain

I don't wanna live like this anymore

There is only loss and no gain

Sometime I just wanna give up

And tell you whatever, you win

But I can't fully commit to that decision

Because lying is a sin

i am living a lie

With the edge tearing each day

I can continue this suffering

And I can't keep pretending that I'm okay