i
there was a boy sitting up on my rooftop with no stars in his eyes, just a somber little choke of a smile. i talked to him for a few hours and learned a few things about myself only he could teach me. i dont remember his name. i dont remember if he combed his hair, but i do know he jumped off a similar roof a few years later. i recognized the smile.
ii
the sun used to set in through the windowshades in little fingers. and it would glare the television set until i convinced myself to read for the rest of the afternoon. i didnt really know anyone in that town, but that sunlight always seemed to tuck me into little naps of "i dont care." i never got a chance to thank it. at least not in that spot again.
iii
while i was living in my car, people seemed frightened while i tried to make conversation with them. when i was completely homeless they were nothing but nice to me. i dont drive a car anymore.
iv
a girl i loved offered to pack me into her luggage and love me across the russian countryside. i took her up on it. a beautiful month or so. we fucked in the back of taxicabs and felt the crevices of each others hollowed out bodies on a little pavilion near the georgian border. she ran away with my clothes and my pocketbook, but i wouldnt trade that cold night when i learned what lonely really meant, for the world.
v
i converted to hinduism in new brunswick. funny how i found such an old faith in a city that wasnt even an original.
vi
when we buried my mother, my family tried to make it all dramatic and play some orchestral cd my sister bought in a gas station on the way over. she didnt realize it was all christmas songs until a minute and a half of rudolph had gone by. ive never laughed so hard in my life. i nearly died myself.
vii
i drink a white russian five days a week at a little seafood restaurant after spending nine hours in an office unsure of what my job is. i take some phone calls. sometimes i think about jumping out the window. others i fuck girls on my desk. it doesnt really matter.
In a list
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- My Favorite AP Poets • next in list
- exceptional poems ∞ • next in list
A contest entry
- a series by Melissa Gayle.
400 points, ended January 5, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 47 of 47
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snippets of a live
Down to earth and matter-of-fact. I see them on an inspirational desk calendar.
hey,,,that would be cool
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"iv
a girl i loved offered to pack me into her luggage and love me across the russian countryside. i took her up on it. a beautiful month or so. we fucked in the back of taxicabs and felt the crevices of each others hollowed out bodies on a little pavilion near the georgian border. she ran away with my clothes and my pocketbook, but i wouldnt trade that cold night when i learned what lonely really meant, for the world."
this made me want to travel.
or go run outside in the rain.
or smoke a pack of cigarettes.
or get completely obliterated on vodka and lay in a field.
it just made me feel intense.
which is good. very good.
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ill tag along for any of those things
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This poem fucks me up when I read it.
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Hell yeah.
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yay! holy fuck, you beat lane.
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i know! kiss me. im happy about it.
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i dont respond to demands
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i dont demand much
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My only criticism would be that you left me wanting more.
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gracias.
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oh and
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favourites:
"but i do know he jumped off a similar roof a few years later. i recognized the smile."
"until i convinced myself to read for the rest of the afternoon." (trying to convince myself to get off my computer to read anna karenina right now.)
what is going one with the punctuation? that time of the month?? (bad period joke) :
"when i was completely homeless. they were nothing but nice to me. i dont drive a car anymore. "
iv reminds me of two headed boy on aeroplane over the sea "fingers in the notches of your spine, and when all is breaking"
for a while i was worried you were on a plateau, hello vertical movement! -
'i'
'choke of a smile' - excellent.
maybe leave the 'me' off the next sentence, its implied. ending line perfect.
'ii'
'like it always does' - i just didn't think it was needed. it seemed like extra to me when i read.
'iii'
'while' or 'when'?
'iv'
love that first sentence.
and i am not sure if you need the 'but i wouldnt...' on. just me though.
'v'
love how you have religion and place here.
'vi'
honestly, i am not sure about this one. i get the intent but at the same time, it doesn't seem to flow with the rest.
'vii'
i'd leave off the 'thats life'
but i love the intent of this section, its final and its really quite sad
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i really need to start picking easier contests D:
this is fantastic. absolutely. one of my favorites of yours
i like #1 and #6 and #7 best
-cassidy
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you are so creative, like, where do you come up with these ideas? it's amazing.
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thanks. waiting tables exposes you to a lot of stories sometimes. lol
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Da da da da da. Speechless! I loved i, ii, and iv. Good luck in the contest
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jesus. i will not be critiquing this. so, you can just continue to know hard you fucking rock.
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look at those long ass comments.
i have a softspot in my heart for profanities.
"we fucked in the back of taxicabs" - imagery
i, iv, v, and vii are my personal favorites.
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yeah. its always kind of lame when theyre not critical though. i can only read so much about how great i am. hahaha
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-but i wouldnt trade that cold night when i learned what lonely really meant, for the world.
yes.
-lol at vi.
-i think iii, iv, and vii were my favorite.
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well done,
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the first line rocked. a lot. i loved the "no stars in his eyes, just a somber little choke of a smile"
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i didnt really know anyone in that town, but that sunlight always seemed to tuck me into little naps of "i dont care."
i loved that (:
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There is a level of damage we take on with living. You seem to be able to create definitions for the way we wear it, deny it, and pretend that we are above it.
There is a great deal I can relate to, but I am fifty eight and damaged goods would be an understatment. I started trying to find a way to be more than banal with the vibrant and magnificent. Negatives, abuse and just not giving a fuck were to familiar and I wanted to create a world I felt was worth living in. It took me thirty seven years of dieing before I learned what living is like. Everything else I could say now would just sound like self agrandizement. When you make the world more beautiful than most of us know how to experience everyone wants it to be about them. Regardless of what the pronouns are.
The third to last sentence in the last vingette is the only place you stumbled. Almost like a greek statue. Everything is created by our culture as much as we reflect upon it.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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gracias. im glad you could connect. and i like your perspective on things, friend.
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Gracey's ass to you to. Hasty banana
Remember what is ever worth doing is worth waiting until tomorrow.
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*gasps* Ohhh. Hmmm. I'm gonna have to repeat what you left on my author's page the other night (or a variation thereof): "you just might be my new favorite person". Ok, first, the title. I've listened to Rush for well over 30 years now. Finally got to see them in concert here, last April 26th. Mind you, I saw Led Zep on their last tour, The Moody Blues, Jethro Tull, Crosby, Stills & Nash (twice - Young never showed), Aerosmith (long before the Run/DMC incident - the "Toys in the Attic" tour"), among so many others over the years...This Rush concert was THE ABSOLUTE BEST concert I've ever seen. Bar none. Alrighty then. Back to this amazing, incredible piece of work. I usually try to quote the portion that moved me the most in a write. This, I cannot do. I just can't. I'd be quoting the whole damned thing right back atcha, then the spam game rangers would be back on my ass again. 
I love white russians (the drink, of course; only met one actual human when I worked in the college library that fit the description & he was terribly boring & too full of himself...& some other stuff). I know "lonely" quite well. I stopped fucking years ago & learned to love instead. Much more satisfying & it leaves a person with their clothes AND pocketbook. Sorry. Rough night, I'm sure...but that is how we grow, isn't it? As for your mother's funeral...Ohhh, my God. First of all, my condolences. 
Secondly, I bet SHE was laughin' her ass off, too, all the way to Heaven. Mannn. What a penning. Ok. You've officially graduated in my eyes as of today. (So, we've actually only "interacted" for 2 days, so this is MAJOR progress to me). You are no longer Poet. You are Scribe. And then some. Wowzer. Good luck in Mel's contest...everybody else. 
Rock on!!! 
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i jumped in the body of an old drunk i used to talk with when i waited tables this summer, so it wasnt particularly personal. but im thrilled you enjoyed it.
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Just as long as ya 'member to jump back out again. The morning after taste in your mouth is horrendous.
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i was thinking of entering this contest.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
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theres some stiff competition. im a little scared.
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you'd be it, genius!
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Okay...my first comment was fucking lame.
"little choke of a smile"
THAT PHRASE IS SO UTTERLY STEALABLE.
"jumped off a similar roof"
"i recognized the smile."
Hearttttbreaker with just words.
"little naps of "i dont care." "
Hmm.
Every time you use 'little',
it has the biggestfuckingimpact.
"i dont drive a car anymore."
What a way to conclude an already perfect vignette. Fuck you for entering.
"but i wouldnt trade that cold night when i learned what lonely really meant, for the world."
I actually really liked the italicization of 'lonely'; it stuck out even more w/o coming off as contrived-asshole.
I LOVE that 5th vignette unequivocally...
New Brunswick = Canada
me = Canada
...but, in a much cooler city.
LoL.
"vi
when we buried my mother, my family tried to make it all dramatic and play some orchestral cd my sister bought in a gas station on the way over. she didnt realize it was all christmas songs until a minute and a half of rudolph had gone by. ive never laughed so hard in my life. i nearly died myself."
... with this,
it's impossible for me to really tell,
but that has to be my favorite vignette.
;
Jessica -
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yay for massive unwarranted praise. lol
i hope all is well with you in these last few hours of 2008. -
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Holy damn.
I didn't even realize...
thank you for being an unintentional calendar.
"unwarranted praise" my denim-clad ASS.
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FUCK
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BITCHTITS
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...this is painfully good you know.
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i secretly hoped so
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I want mangoes.
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we actually had a mango salsa at bonefish
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Mango salsa...exists? Damn. You enlighten me all the time.
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it pairs really well with the really white fishes. wolf fish, specifically. then ask to sub your side with the summer squash. you have to eat it all in august. i fucking hate menus that change each day. fresh fish is good for eating. awful for memorizing.
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*is amazed by how even in conversation you're still poetic*
Seriously.
I want to write that down.
I think I will. -
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hahaha. i want to eat it. i just got really hungry for seafood.
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