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The sunset and the lady

She looks over her city
Tears run down her face
Watching her two dogs play
She loves the colors of the sunset
The tough life she lived today is mended from the night sky
She is a smart young lady
With so much to give
Yet she doesn’t know that yet
She doesn’t know the happiness she brings
Words can't explain how much she is loved
It holds so much meaning to her
The moonlight shines off her tears
As she holds her to dogs tight
She dreams of being in a place with no pain
Surly this world does not offer that
But she soon will create a better place

Author notes

For kyrie. Thank u for helping me and commenting on my poems ur a true friend
emptyness

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Rashida
    February 10

    Edit | Reply
    Whoever Kyrie, they are lucky to have you as a friend. The emotion you feel for the girl in the poem is obvious throughout. Excellent write.


  • SuicidalCreamPie
    January 20
    Edit | Reply
    this is great! the flow is nice, and it paints a great picture for its audience!


  • infernalxfidelity
    January 9

    Edit | Reply
    this painted a nice image in my head, as i am sure it will do for everyone else who reads it.
    keep up the good work.


  • love bleeds
    January 1
    Edit | Reply
    Awww again another great poem Nick kepp it up hun


  • CinderellaSyndrome
    January 1

    Edit | Reply
    It's beautiful.
    I love the lat three lines.
    They were just...heartbreakingly eloquent.
    Although, I do think you need to tone the background down a bit.
    Otherwise, it was perfect.


  • BornWithAPen
    January 1

    Edit | Reply
    a beautiful way to express what you see and have seen, i think the gentleness in this makes it so easy to read, its pretty obvious that the emotions in this poem are not contrived or forced, well done nick


  • love bleeds
    December 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    dang that is amazing


    you really captured the scene


  • XxUnlovedAngelxX
    December 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    thats good i like it good job


  • Guerrero
    December 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This is beautiful. Your an amazing poet. This really stole my mind. This is my new fav from you. Amazing.


    • lonelyboy
      December 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank u. I appricate ur comment. Ad im not amazing I have some ok pieces but really not amazing


      • Guerrero
        December 31, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        I bet im not the only one that thinks you are.


        • lonelyboy
          December 31, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Thank u. u are a wonderful poet ur self. And to everyone HAPPY NEW YEAR


  • Kyrie
    December 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    awwww

    thanks hunnie
    i love it!!!!!!!
    my favorite part was
    "She dreams of being in a place with no pain
    Surly this world does not offer that"
    sooo true
    thanks!!!!!!!!!1


    • lonelyboy
      December 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I hope u really like this piece I tryed to make it perfect

      • Kyrie
        December 31, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        no i really do like it. i love how it captures things that actually occur in my life and i thank you so much for that. hope you like the one i wrote for you as well.

1 - 16 of 16