The way you look at her,
the way your eyes light up.
you smile without moving your mouth.
your arms slips around her back,
the curve of it you embrace.
Everything about her you love,
together forever no matter what.
I pass you two
and one thought lingers:
she could have been me.
A contest entry
- Oh $@%* Moments by breedluv.
1750 points, ended January 5, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Easy Points!!!!!!!! by Kathraina.
675 points, ended January 4, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options! most anything goes! by Thendestinystruck.
550 points, ended January 6, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PreWrite contest for my favorites/AP family/and group!!! by Kathraina.
1055 points, ended February 15, 290 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter all your poems. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
700 points, ended February 20, 281 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - a prewritten contest for everyone by serenity silvermoon.
400 points, ended March 1, 148 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think of this poem?
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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ooh.
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aww I'm so sorry, we always dont know that something is wrong to do until afterwards. Retrospect is all fine and dandy, but hell... What's the chance of knowing? It's a shame.
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Judged-ola!
Aww how sad! I've so been there....it hurts to watch sometimes. Great piece! -
This is a really good piece! Thanks so much for sharing it with us here!
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i really liked it!
Could have been thats how my current b/f and i were...i was dating a friend of his even though his friend didnt care that my b/f was in love with me....well...now i am with the guy who watched me with another. and i find it easy to relate there is alot in this short poem
Good Luck! -
Had you included an explanation of how "she could have been me" with an 'Oh S@%* moment', I would feel it is more in line with the prompt, but it is a good poem, nonetheless.
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this was amazing, very good description and emotion in this. keep writing!
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So sad. I felt raw emotion from this. Great job. Good Luck
♥ Kathraina -
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thanxx :]]
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This is really well written.Such a sad thing when we wish we could be someone else but we all do at one time or another.I think you should have won gold on this poem though it was easy to follow and to relate to.I do not think that I would revise this though it was perfectly written.Timeless words I think that we all share at some point in our lives.Great job glad that I got the chance to read this.
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thank you.
you know whats funny?
its actually about my friend jeff. :]]] -
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check out some more of my poems and tell me what you think!! :]]
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My favorite part was probably the ending, how it took a turn into a jealous, personal issue. Then again it is also my least favorite part only because you didn't continue on with your feelings. I wouldn't change anything about this poem, its flow is steady and entertaining. Thanks for posting this on the reading list :]
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how do you think i should continue it on?? what should i add to make it longer??
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You know, now that I've read it a 2nd time. I don't think it'd be necessary to continue, it'd just rant on. Thanks for putting this up though :]
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