I sing my song of beauty and grace
You see the smile engraved on my face
But not all is grace
For I sing a song of a terrible place
A river of terror flooding with fear
For still I feel her coming near
There was no escape, I was alone
In this minserable world all my own
But then I went to a new place
Full of thought and grace
Where the world was kind, thoughtful, and fair
But where my smile should have been
A frown of sadness took its place
It stained my face, a permenant mark
But the smile that it took
Might still be there if you look
--Andi
Author notes
This is true, you know. ITs about the woman that abused me when I was 12, I mentioned her more in detail in I Remember Way Back When. Her name was Lauree....Lauree Myles
-Pet
GOT comments??
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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minserable should be miserable
Very sad piece, wonderfully penned!
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Wow
Sad - I don't like to hear about abuse. But the courage to write this way about it is stunning. Most people i know are to scared or to hateful to write like this. It was beautiful especially the last few lines. . .
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Such a sad story! If I may make a few suggestions??
With your rhyme scheme you repeated grace, place more than once which is a bit redundant. Also the first 4 lines rhyme together but the rest of the poem only has rhyming couplets. And then in the middle
Where the world was kind, thoughtful, and fair
But where my smile should have been
A frown of sadness took its place
It stained my face, a perm[a]nant mark
these lines don't rhyme at all. Either keep the rhyme throughout or don't rhyme at all.
and permanent is spelled with an a not an e
one more thing if you'll allow :S
There was no escape, I was alone
In this mi[n]serable world all [on] my own (no "n') (consider adding on to help the line make sense
sorry for such a critique - it was a good poem
♥♥Kat
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No, no, I appreciate critiques!!
I should appologize fr my awful typing skills....thats where the spelling errors are from, heh.
As for the rest, I don't really know what to say. I do appreciate it alot, really I do. Don't think I'm ungrateful. But would you understand if I said I couldn't bring myself to change it? -
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of course. Its not imperative that you do so. Its just a suggestion. Because it IS a personal piece its not a big deal but for future reference maybe
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awful
that must of be really awful. now i really want ot be your brother
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