Here they are. Enjoy!
Smoke three packs of cigarettes a day.
Why not?
Every year I vow to quit that bad habit
and every year I fail! So why not vow to
smoke more and then maybe I WILL quit!
Drink a six pack a night!
Or a fifth of scotch
or a big tumbler full of
vodka and orange juice every night.
That vitamin C will keep the doc away!
Eat everything I can get my hands on
that is unhealthy for me.
Chips, cookies, Ice cream.
Fry all my food, lots of potatoes
with plenty of salt and butter!
Clog up those arteries! Gonna die anyway!
Spend every cent I make
and get myself into deeper debt.
Hey it's only money and you
can't take it with you when you die!
Can't take your debt with you either
so what the hell!
Gain 50 pounds! That will come with
all the junk food that I will be eating!
Never works to say loose weight so why not
just vow to gain it, your going to anyway!
Write less poetry! Who reads it anyway!?
Writers block? I will have it for a full year.
No more mistress poems, no more dirty erotica
no more contests. No poems for a whole year!
And last but certainly not least
No form of sexual activity at all.
No masturbation, no cyber sex, no real sex.
Absolutely no form of sex AT ALL for a whole year!
(yeah lets see how long that one lasts!)
So those are my New Year's Resolutions.
Let's see how long it takes me to break them this year!
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