**Self-Destruction**

oh no here i am again
about to give up.
about to give in.
so close to the edge...
so close to where I'd been..

take the pain away
i can not bear it any longer
im really falling apart
when you think im growing stronger

when can i escape
when will i stop and be done
i come so close to opening up
but then i turn and run

i feel so broken
but no one can see
sometimes i do feel fine
but is it really me?

when will i breathe again
when will i stop turning to self destruction
when will i get past this
when will i ever again function?

the scars remind me
something ill never escape
just like my re-occuring nightmares
of flashbacks and rape

i feel untouchable and unlovable
and so far from everyone around
like im a walking secret
a bloody scream without a sound

hiding behind the make up
perfection is now so far
i have no dreams in life
just wishes on shooting stars

glad i dont have to hide the bruises
and all the marks he left behind
now i have to hide the painful memories
emotions you cant access, secrets you'll never find

so what now?
where do i go from here?
years and years of pain and therapy
not sure im getting anywhere, [my parents biggest fear]

maybe i should give up
maybe you can't help, maybe ill let go
you'll be the first invited to my funeral
you'll be the first to know.

may my body finally bleed out
all the disgust living inside me
may my destroyed body be left
for no one to continue to see.

may i leave the world
no longer in sight
thank you for being there for me
but its time that i give up this fight.


~Madison~