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Opposites

"Such opposites," we laugh
As we sit chatting,
Her at her sewing machine
Working on her latest design,
Me at my computer
Working on my latest program.
She's dressed to the nines
And wearing Chanel No. 5.
I threw on jeans and a hoodie
And smell like cheap deodorant.
Her long blonde hair
Cascades down her back,
While my brown locks
Are up in a messy bun.
We are strange,
Many don't believe us when we say
"Yes we're sisters,"
But indeed we are.
And whoever thought,
That two people who are such opposites
Could be this close. 

Author notes

My sister and I are close, but totally opposites, I haven't written in awhile so i figured I should try capturing something simple that I know well in a poem, and this couldn't have been a more perfect opportunity.
Best of luck judging!

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • Danna Hobart
    December 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I wish my sister and I were this close. You and your sister have something very special. Thank you for entering my contest.


  • alpPDCjr12
    December 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The "cheap deodorant" part made me smile! Line 12, "cascades down her back," is a very cliché metaphor for hair. Perhaps because I am male I don't know what a "mess bun" is, but if it's an informal term I would change it because it seems awkward. If I'm wrong and it's a common term then it's only my unfamiliarity and it's fine. I would add a question mark at the end of the last or third-to-last lines because despite the informal nature of the freewrite poem, leaving the poem off as such a feeble question seems not to do the rest of the poem justice. Putting the question mark at the end of the third to last line makes the end declaratory, giving it more power, so I prefer it that way. Either way is fine with me though, nice poem! Captures your "sisterly amusement," for lack of a better term, very well. I have a few sisters so I know how they laugh about things and this seems just like them

    • me alone
      December 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks so much for the long comment, quite impressive!
      I really appreciate it right nw since I'm trying to get myself writing again.

      Since its midnight where I am I'm not going to edit now, but I might very well take many of your recs and edit this.

      Thanks again!