‘I want to hear you say it out loud’ I whispered into the cold night air hoping you could still hear me.
‘the stars are beautiful’ you stated with certainty.
I looked up and sat down a couple inches away from your thigh while you were lying down and then looked back at the damp grass that is invisible in the new moon lack-of-light.
my heart sighed to itself, but I noticed.
‘do you see that star right there? the bright one seven across from the big dipper’ your mouth barely moved but your hands made up for it all.
I mumbled something uncharacteristically indifferent and I saw the confusion spread from your eyes down towards your toes. I think I smiled after; I liked feeling the control even though it only lasted a split-second before you sat up and put your hand lightly on my lower back.
at that point I lost it all.
‘I’m naming it after you -’ you said after I stopped breathing and I somehow managed to speak even without any air in my lungs.
‘do you – ‘ all that came out was a sigh and you cut me off and continued;
‘ – because it’s so far away I cannot see its burning beauty or its very vivid flaws, but the closer the earth moves and the closer we get to winter the lighter it becomes and the more it seems to fade away’
I’m not so sure I knew what he meant at the time, but I did know he said I was beautiful with flaws. ‘everyone has flaws’ I chanted to myself six times slowly before continuing with my analysis of his every word. winter is now, does that mean I’m already fading away from his reality? Is there a new star taking my place?
my head is spinning and constellations are playing their stories in my mind.
an awkward silence, or pause, whatever it was it wasn’t beautiful or natural like before. we both knew that I understood the hidden meaning behind the stars. we sat in silence for a few minutes until he got up. like always he got up with his right leg first, walked a couple of steps forward and remembered I was still there so he turned back onto his heel and pretended to just be shaking out his legs and helped me up.
always the gentleman, always the one to think of a creative way to say ‘I’m sorry it’s over’
he was the kind I was always warned about. I’ll never fall for the man who speaks in pretty words ever again.
we drove back in silence while listening to our CD until I switched it off and the radio began playing some stupid song about this girl and her boyfriend loving each other forever. he offered to walk me to my front door. ‘stupid, why did I do this?’ there’s no reason for him to torment me any longer, all I want is to be alone.
I lingered on my doorstep, by this time I was so used to our daily routine. he would drive me home and I would always reach the door but always before opening it he would take me in his strong arms, hold me close while I would inhale his noticeable scent and then our lips would meet under the rising moon.
my grandmother opened the door almost instantly, I think she knew. she was one of those people who could read the future by looking at the stars, and I think she saw my star fading.
he drove away, my heart broke.
it was one of those clichéd ever-afters that Disney movies don’t like to talk about when little girls grow up as princesses and turn into older girls with torn dresses and wilted flowers and no glass shoes to make everything alright.
Author notes
one of the few full out prose / story pieces i've ever written. i like parts of this, hope you do too.♥
title suggestions?
mesmerized--x
In a list
A contest entry
- Wisdom Teeth Blues: Indulge me, Please? by broken-colours.
500 points, ended January 22, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ProseProseProse by Antebellum.
400 points, ended October 9, 74 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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it was one of those clichéd ever-afters that Disney movies don’t like to talk about when little girls grow up as princesses and turn into older girls with torn dresses and wilted flowers and no glass shoes to make everything alright.
dang this was amazing.
I love it.
finalist.
thanks for entering. -
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thanks so much!
I'm glad you like it
this was one of my first prose pieces ever haha
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Wow, this was so gorgeous.
Brilliant thoughts & metaphors & imagery
entwined within.
So many emotions pouring from your words
that linger long after being read.
Amazing.
Thanks for entering & best of luck -
I like this one...
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this is amazing. i loved it SO much.
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Amazing-
You are an amazing artist. You have actually inspired me to write again. Your words pour on the page so nicely it's like an everlasting gobstopper- when you finally find out that it's never "everlasting" you want more. Great write and hopefully you can keep on inspiring me to write more and more. ~*~Heather
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wow, thanks..your praise really means a lot.
and i'm so happy that i somehow managed to inspire you
thanks for the comment.. it actually made my day
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-an awkward silence, or pause, whatever it was it wasn’t beautiful or natural like before. we both knew that I understood the hidden meaning behind the stars. we sat in silence for a few minutes until he got up. like always he got up with his right leg first, walked a couple of steps forward and remembered I was still there so he turned back onto his heel and pretended to just be shaking out his legs and helped me up.
...
ohh wow. i reread that like 34892374 times. haha, it was amazing, and i can relate sooo fucking well. i just love how you penned that and how the words just flowed together so beautifully. congrats on the gold
♥
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thanks babess
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beautiful.
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I like the title as is. It describes the story well. I like the part about "it's one of those cliched ever afters that Disney doesn't want to talk about." So few people get their happily ever after. You like writing long pieces, don't you?
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This was incredible, wow.
I've decided that I love prose by you!
What a story... so full of emotion... and I love the continued star metaphor throughout.
And the title suits it very much!
Basically I can't think of anything wrong with this.
:]
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thanks so much lovely <3
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"looked back at the damp grass that is invisible in the new moon lack-of-light.
my heart sighed to itself, but I noticed."
Beauty in words.
"it was one of those clichéd ever-afters that Disney movies don’t like to talk about when little girls grow up as princesses and turn into older girls with torn dresses and wilted flowers and no glass shoes to make everything alright."
I adore this ending, it's so sad, but you wrote it so eloquently.
Amazing
F**kin' Deadly I gotta say
XD
Shelly
xxx
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acckkkkk I love it!!
This is insanely good, Emma.
I can't even think straight, lol.
Thank you so much for entering and good luck!
♣ Tegan -
constructive criticism:
( NOT being mean or saying i hate it )
I looked up and sat down a couple inches away from your thigh while you were lying down and then looked back at the damp grass that is invisible in the new moon lack-of-light.
I'm confused.
it's invisible now?
or it was invisible then?
you said but your mouth barely moved but your hands made up for it all.
maybe change one of the 'but's to an 'and'?
I think I smiled after, I liked feeling the control even though it only lasted a split-second before you sat up and put your hand lightly on my lower back at that point I lost it all.
huge run on sentence lol. the comma after 'after' should be a period or a dash or semicolon or something.
'at that point I lost it all' should also be a separate sentence.
– because it’s so far away I cannot see it’s burning beauty or it’s very vivid flaws,
that's really pretty but the second and third 'it's' should be 'its'
right leg first, like always walked a couple of steps forward and remembered I was still there so he turned back onto his heel pretended to just be shaking out his legs and helped me up
really confusing. there's no subject in the first part of the sentence :|
on that note, I actually really liked the ideas behind this. the grammar and diction and such could be improved if you proofread your work, but that can be fixed. I'm going to teach you how to proofread and i'm sorry if this sounded harsh but I really do love this piece, it's quite beautiful especially for your first piece of prose
<3
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kay the grass is invisible cause new moon is when you cant see the moon and tehrefore theres no light shining so the grass is invisible to the eyes
i thought i was being clever
lol
anyways i like your criticism.. they help me so thanks
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wow
yeah i do
i love it
hahah
amazing
=]] -
my grandmother opened the door almost instantly, I think she knew. she was one of those people who could read the future by looking at the stars, and I think she saw my star fading.
wow... This is really beautiful....
The whole thing makes quite a strong impact.
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