Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

she once told me...

 

You were the fire in my bones
and the river that ran through me.
Everything that I knew how to be
was formed by your delicate touch.

~ I grew so much that year. ~

Why are the walls yelling?
It's so loud in here.
They possess the voices of people
that are barely holding on.
I believe the front door
speaks like I do.

[This isn't what I thought it was.]

I was the "him" in her prayers
that she spoke of.
Long nights by the fire,
where I became the center of
your heart's desire.
Wishing I could heal you
when I see your turquoise eyes erupt.

I was everything to her,
she once told me.

Now, I'm not enough...

 

Author notes

Option -Title: 9. She once told me...

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • DramaQueen469 gold member
    May 24

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is a stunning write; I love the bits in italics, and the last line was heartbreaking
    Thankyou so much for entering this lovely piece, and I wish you the best of luck!!

    Maria


  • Never Fall in Love
    May 19
    Edit | Reply
    Really Good.


    [it's way better]


  • perfectsunset gold member
    March 17

    Edit | Reply
    Wow..this was amazing.
    So deeply emotional & heartfelt.
    Definately made me FEEL.. cus i've
    FELT that way before and it hurts.

    You have described this pain.. beautifully.
    Loved this...

    Best of luck & thanks for entering


  • wendy
    February 23

    Edit | Reply
    "Why are the walls yelling?
    It's so loud in here.
    They possess the voices of people
    that are barely holding on.
    I believe the front door
    speaks like I do."
    I love this part the best. It holds so many meanings here. I like the comparison of the door and yourself in the relationship.

  • patrick20traveler
    February 23
    Edit | Reply
    I can see how this would win gold. Very well written and imaginative.


  • Blue30
    February 23

    Edit | Reply
    This is a great poem and it is expressed so eloquently. Good luck on the contests. I look foward to reading more of your work.


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    February 23

    Edit | Reply
    This is very beautiful and well written.
    Congratulations on all of your trophies here.
    Well done and I wish you all the best with them.
    Thanks for sharing this one here!




    Jeremy0826


  • Re-invention silver member
    February 23
    Edit | Reply
    awwwwww this is beautifull loved it .. very well penned!


  • Threnoidia
    January 24

    Edit | Reply
    omg i already commented on this but man this poem is so great, i can re re and re read it. its amazing


  • edit my world.
    January 23

    Edit | Reply

    i feel like i'm not enough anymore...and gosh i wish i was. if i was to write a list of why i liked, him, adore him, love him, people would cry and he would know. but since i can't do that and he refuses to accept it sometimes. why not have a writer like you unmask how i feel. this was beautiful. and just like a previous writer you made me get a lil teary eyed. i'm guessing you're a guy and know the feeling or maybe even understand the feeling i am more than girls. and you may even understand his feeling. all i know is this sucks major monkeybutt

    i liked the fact that it was a guy view of heartbreak... it made it so much more special to read.. thanks so much for entering

    ♥
    dani

  • Threnoidia
    January 23
    Edit | Reply
    I love this poem, it's well it's to the point, melancholically so. I love how I got it first read, it wasn't wordy yet you completely expressed your feeling through your words all as well.

  • S-j
    January 21
    Edit | Reply

    beautiful, uve left me speachless


  • Jfd
    January 17

    Edit | Reply
    this is very interesting and has many layers to it, I liked the contract between the main stanzas and the italicized words....thank you for entering!


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    Awww this is beautiful, it really breaks my heart and I hope that it's not based on truth, as I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I know it's unfair as woman always say men break hearts, but it's not just men woman do it as well. Being a woman who hangs with a lot of guys, I see what some girls do to guys. I love this, such great imagery and metaphors here, I can't help adore it.


  • movedon
    December 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Brother..oh my goodness. Your work just is sky rocketing with intensity! Each one I think it can't get any better..and then BAM! One like this comes along. So wonderfully penned. Great take on the promt!

    xxoo,
    gypsy


  • Heroesrox
    December 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Good take on the prompt! Thanks so much for entering my contest!

1 - 22 of 22