Untarnished tranquilty enshrines the lake;
picturesque oasis of beauty
no sinner dares wake.
Elemental bliss in a silent dawn,
Terra Mater stumbled
but here she is reborn.
{single crack
scene destroyed
unruly attack
cleaves gargantuan void}
World of ugly anger
beat me to ground. Couldn't
withstand the pressure of
omnipresent ignorance biting
my naked, innocent face.
Vision wasted on horrible
society,
my final destination
had to be one of
definitive elegance.
x
Author notes
Picture Credit: John Jarvis
In a list
A contest entry
- contest quickie by oceanbluize.
1000 points, ended December 31, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Win $50, and be published in the next Allpoetry Book! by Kevin.
400 points, ended January 15, 81 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter Your best. by UnderTheStarLitSky.
550 points, ends July 16, 219 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Thanks so much for entering.
[if you end up in the finals I will comment better]
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Dear Michael
Congratulations on making it to Kevin's finalists.
It is wonderful to see fellow Winklings of a youthful age writing free verse so well. Ron.
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Many thanks for the kind words, really didn't expect to make the finalists so it came as a real surprise when I signed in
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the use of the capitalized noun Terra Mater bothered me a bit, as I'm only 60% sure what you mean by it. perhaps there would be a better, more recognizable way to say it?
Why does it end with 'x', is that meaninful?
Lovely final stanza. liked "beat me to ground", the leaving out of the article makes me think of the "ground" in electrical circuits, etc, and it sounded great.
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Thank you very much for the kind words, and I'm delighted to have made the finalists!
Terra Mater was a goddess personifying the Earth in Roman mythology, and means 'Mother Earth' in Latin. Do you think it should be changed?
I often use an 'x' to sign off a text message or letter, a final expression of love so to speak, and this acts as the poems protagonist last exchange with the only life still standing by him - Terra Mater.
Thanks again, Michael
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I know most articles should generally be eliminated to avoid wordiness, but I think "beat me to ground" could benefit from a "the."
Good work here. -
Ok the imagery here is divine. You weave a tale of astonishment to say the least. Superb!
best of luck and thank you!
Ocean
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The imagery and flow was outstanding! Worked wonderfully well with the prompt as well! It was easy to read, and beautifully written! Great write you have here!
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I really like the last stanza on this : o really great piece of work you have here.
Laura -
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thanks very much for the comment & the praise
means a lot
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are you sure you are 16? you write like a pro.
good poem.
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yup im fairly confident of my age
thanks for the compliment & for commenting
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You write exteamly well for someone your age.You have alot of talant and are blessed with the pen.Good luck to you in the contest.
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thank you for the kind words
much appreciated
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