for his birthday, she makes a list of things she knows about him.
1. he has blue-green dragonfly eyes, as thick and sweet as maple syrup.
2. when he looks at her, she feels like she is coated in glitter, glowing.
3. he disappoints her sometimes.
4. he is more beautiful than a sunset.
5. sometimes he doesn't listen.
6. his favourite number is eleven.
7. sometimes he makes her cry.
8. he has only loved one other.
9. he would make a wonderful star.
10. he says that he loves her.
11. sometimes he lies.
he reads it, then asks what he can do for her.
she says, "kiss me in the rain."
"really? that's all?"
"really."
"i love you," he whispers, tracing her features in his mind.
"really?"
"really."
the next day, he kisses her in the shower.
he thinks he's being romantic, but somehow, it's not the same.
-
they lay in her bed, his head on a pillow and hers on his chest. she is unusually quiet and he wants to see her smile.
"what are you thinking?"
"do you think the seas know which way they're flowing?"
there is no response, and she realizes that he has fallen asleep. with tears in her eyes, she goes on.
"did you know that sometimes i dream of bleeding and bleeding but i still give my heart to you and let myself go empty?"
he is still fast asleep.
"'i've tried to catch stars with my bare hands, so i'll be beautiful enough for you to love and maybe you can make wishes on me."
she is crying harder.
"i can't look you in the eye because i lied when i said i was okay. i can't look you in the eye because i love you."
she closes her eyes. once her eyes close, his open. they are filled with tears, and he doesn’t know how to make things right.
-
they stand in an empty field, rain pouring down around them, wind battering their hearts into broken shades of blue. her heart meets halfway, overlapping. she breathes from the inside and cries on the outside. she's crying for goodnight, she's mistaking broken glass for stars. she is only strong when the scars fail to heal, when love locks her breath out and constructs her body out of metal and thin lace machinery.
she says, "i'm going to ask you if you're cold, but what i'll really be asking is if you love me. if you say no, i'll walk away and you can forget about me. it won't hurt so much because at least i'll think you're warm, and i won't remember you saying you don't love me."
he nods silently. his eyes are sad. "okay."
she gathers her strength and whispers, "are you cold?"
"no."
she turns away.
he catches her hand, pulls her close and kisses her, while the rain continues to fall.
he shivers. "i'm freezing."
Author notes
make me cold.
A contest entry
- favorites. by catalyst..
550 points, ended January 4, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter all your poems. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
700 points, ended February 20, 278 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I was yours.
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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she's crying for goodnight, she's mistaking broken glass for stars. she is only strong when the scars fail to heal, when love locks her breath out and constructs her body out of metal and thin lace machinery. <-- amazing.
he shivers. "i'm freezing." <-- even more amazing!
just wow
well deserved gold and silver.
this was just so beautiful
and just wow.
so wonderful
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I have never failed to notice, well in the three of your poems i have read, how you write of prompts. Prompts that no doubt other writes use quite litteraly, I for one know I would make that mistake.
You, you have a somewhat earl about you, the vision of greatness which you choose to abandon so as to just wear the lonely lost girl outfit. It suits you. You should wear it more often.
'she says, "i'm going to ask you if you're cold, but what i'll really be asking is if you love me. if you say no, i'll walk away and you can forget about me. it won't hurt so much because at least i'll think you're warm, and i won't remember you saying you don't love me."
he nods silently. his eyes are sad. "okay."
she gathers her strength and whispers, "are you cold?"
"no."'
This whole poem is worth every ounce of my blood, this part alone is worth more than my soul.
Thank you so much for having the bravness to pen down the thoughts and the fears that mere mortals can not.
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Wow, I love the last part so so so much!
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oh wow.
this is stunning
<33333
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This is soooo beautiful. I can relate to this and it makes me cry almost. Beautiful, heartwrenching but so glad it ended so nicely.
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this is the most amazing thing i have ever read. it is incredible. i don't know how you are not a famous author by now!
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This is so far beyond the words incredible, astounding, and breathe-taking. This poem is a masterpiece, and I can easily see why you seemed so dissatisfied with my poem in your contest. I sincerely hope that one day I might have honed my skills enough to have an ounce of your talent. Thank you for sharing your writing.
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This si so amazing, I lvoed every minute- I had to read it twice. Definetly awesome. I liked the ending too.
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I thought I'd commented on this one before; guess I didn't.
This. Is. Brilliance.
Definitely one of my favourites of yours, besides "seule", I think it was.
You are so creative & filled with so much feeling, it's crazy.
<3
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An interesting take on love, Not entirely sure if it's fiction or non fiction, I enjoyed it
I do feel that it was fragmented and with too much detail that can be cut down by metaphors and less simple words, it drags on.
However I did entriely ADORE the ending.
Well done and thank you for entering!
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The ending of this made me cry...
"I'm freezing." -
Holy crap-and-a-half...this is so very sweetly romantic. I love it, aanika. I re-read it this morning and just was amazed by the way you wove elements of the storyline together to create the perfect ending...I'm usually one to love the sad endings, but this maintained the emotional punch while ending on a positive note. I felt like I was watching a movie. Happy New Year!
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i like the ending. its different from what you usually do.
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"the next day, he kisses her in the shower.
he thinks he's being romantic, but somehow, it's not the same."
I loved those lines.
This poem is beautiful, with such unique imagery.
I did however, question your use of the word "orthorexia," at least until I got to your author notes. I'm not sure if the definition you have there is the correct one, as the word is derived from the Greek words “orthos” meaning right/correct, and “orexis” meaning appetite; it's an eating disorder.
However, like I said, this is a beautiful poem.
Best of luck in the contest.
Keira
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"she says, 'I am going to ask you if you're cold, but what I will really be asking is if you love me. if you say no, I will walk away and you can forget about me. it won't hurt so much because at least I'll think you're warm, and I won't remember you saying you don't love me.'
he nods silently. his eyes are sad. 'okay.'
she gathers her strength and whispers, 'are you cold?'
'no.'
she turns away.
he catches her hand, pulls her close and kisses her, while the rain continues to fall.
he is shivering.
'I'm freezing.'"
Wowie
This is pure talent.
I think this is my favourite thing of yours.
I prob say that about everything you write.
But I really, really do adore this
Especially that stanza
Good luck in the contest.
I ain't winning at all now haha
Shelly
xxx
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Ok, I don't usually talk like this, but since one of your poems has a happy ending for once, I have to say:
ohmygod!!! *faints a little bit inside*
The end part about coldness and love was one of the most moving things you've written, in my opinion. I think you should write more happy endings
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I'll try, for you.
and thanks.
<3
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have you ever noticed that words are always pretty - like melanoma, fascism, and agliophobia - until you find out what they mean?
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that's really freaky. i love it.
did you know that my heart has orthorexia? it counts the number of times you've said you love me.
did you know that sometimes I dream of bleeding and bleeding until everything is covered in wet glitter and carmine but I still give my heart to you and let myself go empty?'
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looove that too. where do you come up with words like orthorexia aha? pretty imagery.
once her eyes close, his open. they are filled with tears, and he doesn’t know how to make things right.
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omg aw but
WOW that ending gave me shivers
this was so intense. definitely one of my favourites and i have no chance in this contest now. this is absolutely wonderful and amazing and wooow.
♥♥♥
ps. i have agliophobia. -
You're amazing.
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Wow, this is one of my favorites of yours.
It's soo perfect.
Ugh. Too much talent for one person.
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