Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

push-up

.

my lecture on
classical logic
was neglected
like water
falling on soil
now-barren

all i could hope
was for the chance
to make mudpies
from the dullness
of your thoughts

.

my voice fell
on bloodless ears

as it reversed
your polarity
with the mention
of a proposition

.

you are the
law of non-
contradiction
personified

when you say
you love my
brilliance

and your eyes
are thirteen-
and-a-half inches
too low

.

Author notes

http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/aristotle-noncontradiction/ : The law of noncontradiction was developed by Aristotle and without it "we [can] not know anything that we do know"

And I measured - there are thirteen-and-a-half inches between my eyes and my chest.

A contest entry

This is a draft - be as harsh as you like.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • notorious
    January 2
    Edit | Reply
    Jeez, Nicole commented?
    You're pro.


  • Haiku-bless-you silver member
    January 1

    Edit | Reply
    Cleverly crafted scenario about deceptive facades with telling glances misplaced. Interesting ponderance of the situation being reduced to a pleasing vision while the true essence is ignored. Well done my friend.

    Brother Dennis

  • Nicole Hanna
    January 1

    Edit | Reply
    The best ending stanza I've read in months. Very onerios-esque, without the unnecessary obtuseness. lol.

  • tara wilson gold member
    December 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    lmao - i love this, perfect title...

  • piggyback
    December 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I love how there was double-meaning to a lot of the things you said here, like the title which I first thought was the exercise then the type of bra, or the last stanza which I initially thought referred to the body language of a liar, but then with the help of your AN I realized what it was actually about... It's funny, I was actually going to write about one of my professors one of these days.
    This poem, as all your other poetry, is very clever. I enjoyed the first stanza - a very smart simile. One thing that particularly stuck out to me an powerful was the identification of your lecturer to the law of non-contradiction. The last couple stanzas were marvelous... such sharp wit, to show the parallel between what he pretends to appreciate and what he really does. I really like how you took the metaphor of classical logic and kept it up from start to finish, that is so much your style!
    Congrats on your trophy, btw; well deserved

  • notorious
    December 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a strong entry, for sure & just strong writing in general.

    "my lecture on
    classical logic
    was neglected

    like water
    falling on
    barren soil"
    I loved "classical logic" - it sounds so pragmatic, an ignored opinion when you're CLEARLY right. LoL...my one thing is that...does the simile in S2 relate to S1 or S3? My brain keeps shoving the second stanza with the first one...I think it looks nicer and reads better that way.

    The mudpies thing is disgustingly awesome.

    "when you reversed
    your polarity"
    ...do you need the 'your'?

    LOVED the third vignette, unequivocally.

    Thanks for entering, Lllllllyy

    ;
    Jessica


    • Polaja Greeters member
      December 30, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      that was the line length thing I was talking to you about - I will find a way to fix it though ... in the second thing, the first 'you' was meant to be 'it' ... but I forgot to change it ... glad you liked it!


  • redbird
    December 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    eeeeee! i love this, pol.!

1 - 9 of 9