Last night's first thousand
thoughts of you seared
an atomic after-image
on the backs of my eyes.
The thousand and first
sparked, fizzled and drowned
in the last drop of cheap vodka
in my cup of weakness.
A contest entry
- What Went Wrong? (prewrites welcome) by Danna Hobart.
490 points, ended January 12, 37 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Beautiful, except the expression 'cup of weakness.' I was reminded of an Urdu poem by Mirza Asadullah Khan Ghalib, translated into English by Kushwanth Singh:
"Though I can no longer stretch my hands
I still have life's sparkle in my eyes;
Let the jug of wine and cup remain
Before me where they lie."
The mood is different, your's is vigorous. He is circumspect; he does not open his mind.
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Funny how the first things we think of in failure were the better parts of it, instead of finding out what the lead up was to the thousand and first one. I have come to learn in this life that no matter how raw the mistake was and how we fight with it and the guilt of why it didn't work, somehow we learn a valuable lesson from it, mostly it's how not to drink too much lest we end up squashed and oblivious to it, though my experience tells me the more you drink the more you remember, rather than the tendency to forget. And sometimes we take them back into our lives because we fear change. I know now change is a good thing but it takes a mighty long ladder and a long time to finally reach the top.
C
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This is masterful. I completely understand it. Thank you so much for entering this clever poem in my contest.
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