God gave me the strength
to have unprotected sex,
put my foot down
in the womb of working mothers,
keep silent to my own husky heart
which, sometimes,
is like living
upon the dead animals
of the earth
In a list
A contest entry
- short by Melissa Gayle.
600 points, ended December 31, 2008, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critique the hell out of it if you are so inclined
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Yeah! awesome. Raw, rich and unique.
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I'm dying to rant and rave about the certain mother I know whom this reminds me of, but I'll refrain and just recite it in my mind when she skanks back through the doorway at work tomorrow.
Well done with the bronze trophy -
wow. This is great. I'm adding you as my favorite. Even if i am a douche.
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That may make me a douche-by-association, but I can live with that.
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"the dead animals of the earth"
yes, that must start to prey upon the conscience.
The "unprotected sex" part is intriguing though puzzling. You certainly caught my attention.
Enjoyed your write. Congrats on your bronze trophy.
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Your final lines are comparing yourself to a vulture or maggot?
LOL That's priceless.
I liked how you used the title as just another line for this. Without the title I think the poem could be taken in other ways, or other kinds of days, depending on one's lifestyle.
But you were always good for versatility. Kind of like a whore with clothes that velcro, you know?
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I think I might actually have clothes that velcro somewhere around here. Scary, aint it? lol
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This is a fantastic piece of poetry.
The imagery and metaphor within is splendid.
Very crafty and clever, love the title.
Congradulations on the bronze.
Tony
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oh, this is powerful. The ending is stellar. Sometimes I mourn the fact that there is next to no time to be myself (or at least entertain my heart). Definitely will be reading more of you
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I knew that once you'd slipped in under the radar, the rest of us mortals wouldn't stand a chance. 
Here are peaches for your altar, a bit early, as I have an appointment Tuesday at 2. 
Ommm... s'more. (Or s'smores, whichever you'd prefer.)
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Priceless
You should write short punchy stuff more often.
I wish you were flippin' burgers at ground zero. Now that would make a poem.
Husky heart, indeed...
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this should be tagged along with a lindsay german speech or on the back of a naomi wolf book.
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Your title just sets the whole thing off and it just freakin' continues. Brilliant dear, I love to see you writing.
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excellent
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lol. Perfect.
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Loved your title; it had a sense of time and atmosphere already.
... why the hell did I take so long to add you as a favorite...
"the strength
to have unprotected sex"
That put a smile on my face.
"husky heart
which, sometimes,
is like living
upon the dead animals
of the earth"
You make punctuation look bloody divine.
Loved 'husky' there...it seemed like a self-aware adjective and your simile...goddamn.
;
Jessica
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Mwhahahaha. Everyone adds me to their favorites eventually. People catch me like they catch venereal diseases. I'm like a weird sickness people don't even know they have. Oh... and I'm also completely full of shit. lol
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Loved your simile there...didn't love the imagery it put in my head, but...you are beans of ze cool.
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Yeah, I have that affect on people
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You're my new god! Hah.
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I demand peaches on my altar every Thursday, at 2pm.
Don't ask. -
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I'll try to remember that.
What about unfuzzed nectarines? -
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Only if they are in season.
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You're great.
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LMAO! Oh goddess love you, you pathetic woman, you...if for no other reason than how much this tickled and trickled me pink.
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Only you would laugh at my misery. Sigh.
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it's great to read you again.
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"keep silent to my own husky heart"
Critique what, pray tell? Oh...I know. One thing. Put some more spaces between the ending and the notes...gives us more time to swallow. Or breathe. Hope all is well in your corner of the world.
Ommmm....
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Yeah, I got so used to just accepting whatever format the system automatically generates for new poems. The lack of spaces bugs me, but I'm too lazy half the time to go back and fix it. lol
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