Aquatic roses line my sill, withering hues, and their thorns
inoculated by the air that I breathe, folding in the pot
busy, the bees that deem it god, their world's end at hand
faint has become the scent, but blood stains linger on
stifled foliage in prehistoric state, aged in its decay
luster deprived becomes fate, as its passion chills
drowned in a pane, spying the world as life flees
once a symbol that mimicked the heart's bond
deduced without meaning, void of a tomorrow
torn from love's torrent sea, an aquatic rose bleeds
chimes mark scithe's arrival, steadied by sorrow
rings broken mark madness.. and as two untwine
down falls the sun... and petals fall beneath shadows
A contest entry
- short by Melissa Gayle.
600 points, ended December 31, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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For me, this reads like prose - in that respect it is balanced quite nicely.
Thanks for your entry -
Lovely
Quite a moving feast. I have a thing for roses and broken rings. It could be a song. I liked the effect of double spacing, the eye slows down the words and the reader falls in step with the meter. Just like swimming in a river, you're just along for the ride. Very impressive dear poet.
-c
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Aquatic roses? I like that. Though roses are a common theme in a lot of poetic pieces, I would be curious to see how you might play these feelings out with a more unique subject for metaphor. It does sound pretty. Is it about the wife you used to have?
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Wow. That was, very simply, a piece of art. Gorgeous.
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Absolutely beautiful. Good luck to you in the contest.
Much love
Ylova
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ah! sorry, here they are
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I love this. Especially the end "down falls the sun...and petals fall beneath shadows", there's definitely a tone of finality to it
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