I tried to sell you the city
and all the lies that went with it,
the place where children played war games
and flushed goldfish down toilets
because their dreams had died.
I tried to sell you the city
of pyrite and pumice,
where mice crawl underneath the dust
to escape adults who chatter
about the end of the world.
I tried to sell you the city
where my parents lie, just as cold
as everyone else. This is the city
where dead men stand in parking lots
talking, as the sun goes down their throats.
A contest entry
- short by Melissa Gayle.
600 points, ended December 31, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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fools gold indeed .. so odd to reflect back upon the "pro"gression of "civil"ization and wonder how our priorities got so damned askew.
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I wouldn't do the repetition of the opening line in each stanza -
otherwise very strong write -
brilliant
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This was brilliant - a story with an insane amount of emotion behind it, told in a few lines. Your imagery was so creative.
And no worries about the similar image... it is kind of used in a different context and worded differently, so it shouldn't be a big deal?
Awesome job.
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Sweet!
This is totally awesome writing! Enjoyed this very much!
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