for years i waited for someone like you to release me from these ungodly chains that bind me to this ever growing tree of dispair and crushed dreams that we have come to call life
for what seems like centurys i have endured the unmerciful hand of pain that continues to swiftly but brutally beet down upon thyself
i sit in the darkest corners of my mind where no light dare go and wait for you to set me free from this self induced hell that i have forced myself to wallow in for lives upon lives
you see me you know me as ur girlfriend yet you continue to do nothing about my ever growing deppression
you just do the same as everyone else i can almost promise that to you i am just anouther person of wich roams in the fibers of your life, just a phase
but to me you are my world , my want , my everything, my essence, one of the only reasons i am living now
and if i could only convey to you how strongly i feel for you then mabey with the slightest hope you could realise that i am the one who will always love you no matter what u will become and who you are
but for now all i can do is wait and fall deeper into the freezing hole of misery and hope that one day i will be realeased from my earthly limitations and with some luck you will come to your sences before i depart and realise that i need you more than you could possibly ever imagine
unfortuneatly though i know... that could never happen because life is always crule to those who dont deserve it
i just hope one day you will feel for me as i do you but till then i wait
and waiting is the hardest part (always)
what did you think about the word choice?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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love the rant
powerful and thought provoking, this invites me to think at every turn, Little nuggets of goodness await at every new line. thank you for sharing!
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quite the emotion of loving one whom thinks things as suchn i know the feeling.very nice wording though...you should message me
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Wow, this pulled at my heart strings, So young to be feeling such emotion. You are a very good writer, keep up the good work, thanks for sharing!
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Super dark especially the first stanza, which I feel is also the best, does a tremendous job of conveying illfatedness and is a poignant (I do love the word poignant lol) conveyance of feelings of depression and come the end of the poem helplessness.
A great ending to the poem also, the only problem is the fact that I cannot get the Tom Petty song out of my head now lol (and the waaiiting is the hardest part lol) =]
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lols
all this for love... -
And waiting is the hardest prt (always)
what a superb ending to an incredibly powerful and emotive write, this is stunning
thankyou, I wish you well
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thank you
thank you and yeah ive come to realive that life itself is a practicall waiting game but you can do what you will while the time ticks ... and wish you well too bye!
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I like this!
the language is super flowery and usually that's not my favorite, but it works here.
the first few lines are my favorite: "release me from these ungodly chains that bind me to this ever growing tree of dispair and crushed dreams that we have come to call life"
towards the end, it seems to get a little unfocused.
but still, that's just me. I'm weird like that.
I really like it!
cheers!
- jo -
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thank you for the lovely comment
sorry it took so long to get back to you but life has been hectec (cant even spell)
i am happy to be able to have helped you like something u usually dont thanks so much
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I particularly liked the first sentence/stanza. I haven't read anything structured like this before, so I was taken by surprise when I first looked at it, but somehow it worked for me and still felt poetic rather than prosaic (in both senses of both words). I also like your choice of imagery, you use it well and the emotional pictures you paint are very vivid.
Thanks for sharing this. -
srry
im srry for the long and somewhat harsh being of this one i was extremely infuriated when i wrote it it awesome to write it out though !!
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