pain and blackness, swirling
…falling…
Where am I?
hands push me down “Be still.”
but I can’t move
anyway
lights flickering
movement making me nauseous
a mask to my face
delivers sweet
cold air
that even so makes me ill
Where AM I?!
"You need to lie still!"
I want to ask who's talking
but I have no voice
"He's..." something
whatever it is, it sounds important
almost as important as that beep
that just became a continuous tone
dagger stabs me in the arm
someone is kneeling on my chest
I can't breathe
struggle
tied down
helpless
in a dark cave filled with pretty little lights
"Lie STILL!"
shrill whooping noise
violent rocking
"I don't know;
he seems conscious
he won't quit fighting
the restraints."
and
"No, not in his condition.
It could push him over..."
then all the pretty lights are gone
and the rocking and swaying stop
then I'm falling
falling
it's all white and bright
and pain
"he's gone tacky!"
what? How am I tacky?
I wish I could see!
I wish I could BREATHE!
"CLEAR!"
ohjesusfuckingchristthathurts!!!!!
Then theres nothing.
bright light and pain
I have needles and tubes and wires all over
and my wife looks so scared it breaks my heart
and I'm alive
and that's beautiful
but ...
damaged
A contest entry
- ARE YOU? by Cinnarry.
1750 points, ended January 14, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Guaranteed Comments! III by Nam.
1750 points, ended April 14, 159 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
"but I can’t move
anyway"
I do not feel the word "anyway" is needed or necessary.
"that even so makes me ill"
I feel there are too many words in this line. I feel it could be shortened to "that makes me ill", or something of that accord.
I didn't really care for the use of "tacky", it just seemed a bit off compared to the rest of the poem. Perhaps a variant? Or not.
Other than those things, I enjoyed it. It has good imagery, and it flowed quite well from beginning to end. A nice poem here.
-Nam
-
Eric. Just looked in on the site. Are you alright?
-
-
Eric...I wish you all the best. You look youthful and strong in your pictures, you and your missus....get strong, well, soon. SOON. That outdoor life has to have stood you in good stead. Take care, Anne xx
-
-
Workin' on that.
What I'm dealing with is just a hereditary disposition to high cholesterol...more meds, like I don't wake up and take a pharmacy already, LOL.
Always good to hear from you...you take care of you, too!
Eric
-
-
Not entirely, no...but I'm getting there. My pain-management doctor doesn't communicate well with my other doctors, and gave me a massive steroid injection last month to put me back on cane or crutches and out of power chair; apparently this isn't really good for recent heart-attack patients, and burned some tissue in my heart.
I spend more time severely medicated than before.
[sigh]
-
-
Whoa. That was intense. Incredible, though. It was very powerful. Very well laid out, thought it would have been powerful even if it had been less poetic. Hope you're doing well.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
-
I really did not need to read that just now.
Hope you are doing well.
-
Wow, scary! I'm glad you made it through, my friend. Coming from a medical background, I caught it fairly quickly. Hope you have a better New Years! Elaina
-
Few folks can write of an experience like this, I hope that I never have to. I am happy you made it back from the edge. I imagine that it felt much like falling in a dream, only too real!
-
this takes me to a place I don't want to see for myself! Excellent telling of your story, very gripping and real. Well done.
Rory
-
dammit Eric, you had me in tears reading this......
and I am so glad you survived through it my dear friend.
Ann
-
-
I was embarrassed for myself (TO myself) later...I've watched enough episodes of ER to know what 'tachy' means, but at the time all I could think was that he thought I was acting inappropriately in some way.
-
-
Shades of cardiac arrest! I lived it through your words.
-
-
I was just glad to live through it!
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
