When I was young and fair, I lacked the wit to know
that love would serve me better if I wished to grow
wise and courteous in the ways of life and men,
and so I made of life a cage, a prison pen.
Instead, I recklessly pursued my path to power
and foolishly believed the nation's golden hour
and mine were one; our destinies entwined and bound
together; heart and country finding common ground.
But now I'm old and insecure, my race is run;
oh, what have I achieved? I do not have a son
to pass the kingdom to; my memories are sour
and haunted by past deeds--I fear the final hour.
If I could live my worthless life once more, I would
follow love's winding path; seek the essential good
in life, in kindness, in the hearts of mortal men,
and never make of life a cage, a prison pen.
A contest entry
- When I was Young and Fair (or Handsome) #152 Winklings by Lyndon.
1750 points, ended January 23, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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The state of Man!
Your sonnet is a fine hexameter exhibition with distinct enjambment used often. The doublets rhyme, twinned, in each quatrain. "mortal men" is a redundancy. This is a sure theme of youth and age; looking through a glass darkly and clear hindsight. I wonder whether the metaphor of a "kingdom" sits well in the C21. And the sense of parallelism of owning a country and your real life's journey? I know a sonnet by a queen would suggest this image.
The prison metaphor is well-used by many poets through time but it is apt enough.
Certainly, this work strikes me as a poem of sincerity.
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dramatic
This is the three ages of man, with lessons learned, a wonderful poem. I was moved by the regret in stanza 3, where the events of a single life are written on the history of a kingdom. Well done.
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As smooth and as thought provoking as each of your rhymes dear poet. But tell me true, even if any of us were able to run the race again do you not feel instead we'd make other mortal mistakes in the wake of liberty to simply be? And if, at last, the soul should feel life a cage, a prison pen, could not the bars be unlocked if at least the mind was free to roam again?
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Frank Sinatra comes to mind...'Regrets, I have a f......
A good poem, well thought out and I guess we all have a few times when we wonder what might have been.
All the best,
Love
Sue
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When I was one-and-twenty
I heard a wise man say,
`Give crowns and pounds and guineas
But not your heart away;
Give pearls away and rubies
But keep your fancy free.'
But I was one-and-twenty
No use to talk to me.
When I was one-and-twenty
I heard him say again,
`The heart out of the bosom
Was never given in vain;
'Tis paid with sighs a plenty
And sold for endless rue.'
And I am two-and-twenty
And oh, 'tis true, 'tis true
Looks like you can't win either way. Here's Housman following love's winding path, and look what happened. But I still think it's worth a shot. Nice poem. Strong images.
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Bravo Bill, Brilliant..."If I had my life to live over" The Fureys I believe. Wouldn't we all do it differently my friend...I know I would...Bless you ...mal
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I'm pretty impressed, Bill.
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