creaking bones sever
in dark alleys far from home,
or on the side of interstates going south,
down ninety five, past the Tappan Zee,
I found your purse amongst the discarded weeds and pieces of boat
Author notes
Partially inspired by the movie Gone Baby Gone
A contest entry
- What Went Wrong? (prewrites welcome) by Danna Hobart.
490 points, ended January 12, 37 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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haha dude yes! you have a flow like a tidal wave. It just keeps building up, like the lines get longer as the wave comes to your face. It is really a thing of beauty. I am very happy you got a gold medal for this piece. You really did deserve it.
The length was perfect. This piece was meant to be short, but it was long enough, as long as it needed to be
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This poem is not finished. Like a cake that has not been baked long enough.
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Your "been" is not finished either, lol. The brevity is part of the early free form style I was using. I see your point though, but at this point I don't feel like I can add anything to it, anything I would add to it would ruin it.
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Now this is exactly the kind of thing I was looking for. Perfect for this contest. You painted a vivid picture with so few words, and it hits the prompt right on the head. I hope the situation is fictional. If it isn't, I pray that she is found, safe and sound.
Thank you for entering.
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