Intoxicatingly deep
Swirling pools of depth
Causing a whirlpool of emotions
To rise like the tides
With the moon
Until lines are cut
And the waves crash down
Waking me up
From a unintended slumber
Beneath the abyssal sea
A contest entry
- Hues of Blue in 12 Lines or Less (there's a catch) by The Fun House.
1050 points, ended January 27, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Give me the truth.
Comments
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I see where you are going with this one and trust me I really am not trying to be rude here....just a small suggestion. Less is more sometimes. The descriptives in this piece toil over each other, meaning much the same thing and it doesn't really go anywhere as you read it, except that you were dreaming. I think changing some of the descriptives would make much more of an impact on the reader. But it is a good effort
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