I awoke in the morning on lovers day,
an empty space in my bed, had given me the shivers,
I got up and got dressed,
as I searched for my lover, my beloved.
He wasn't in the kitchen,
he wasn't on the couch,
he never went into work either.
I checked in our bathroom,
and there it was,
like the devil in writing,
a note, that turned this game of hide-and-seek,
into a walking nightmare.
I opened the note and out fell a rose petal,
I read the whole thing,
over and over again,
and it stuck in my head,
from what I had read:
"I just need sometime to think, I may or may not be back, but know that I love you, that you'll always be my world. And remember its not you its me, Signed your lover and your friend."
I was so angry, betrayed, and upset,
14 years of marriage,
gone to waste,
I had no idea what I'd done,
nor how to change it,
nor at that moment did I care.
I was heated,
I felt hated,
all the things we've been through,
our newly conceived baby asleep in her crib,
and you just threw it all away.
I fell to the ground,
sobbing and crying,
annd waited for your return,
and after three days I gave up.
On that third day,
a rage overtook me,
I upturned the bed,
broke every glass in the house,
and there on the walls,
written in lipstick, all over the walls said:
"I hate you, you stupid S.O.B"
And the night of the third day,
in the bathroom,
a dead body was found,
in the bathtub a crying baby was heard,
a sad sight to see,
at the loss of life,
and a baby that never would know,
why she was adopted,
because her mother suffered from,
a betrayed love.
Author notes
Peaceful Atrocity
In a list
- Celestial Moon Empire group list • next in list
A contest entry
- I'm new to AP!!! This is my 1st contest!!! by roninwort.
3000 points, ended January 7, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the biggest prewrite contest ever by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended January 18, 362 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Feel Your Pain by Erica Carnea.
600 points, ended April 17, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love My Lucky--- by Beautiful Sin-.
700 points, ended April 27, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Titles & Topics!!! plus anything goes. by purplemoon.
953 points, ended May 29, 91 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - how much hell have you been through by Ami.
550 points, ended May 12, 71 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - .xx.tWiStEd.xx. by l o v e b u r s t.
570 points, ended July 7, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Just a bit of somthing :D
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Judges View
sad. it pissed me off, that he left her with a baby on valentines day. good sad story though.
Thank you for entering my contest
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A great poem to look at but its not really twisted...which was one of the contest holders main rule. Great write. Keep penning
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Gorgeous!
I'm going to be a complete pain in the ass, and point out that a newly CONCIEVED baby wouldn't be lying in a crib (and if it was, this couple would have bigger issues!)
Also, the note could be in poetic format too, without too much trouble
Apart from that (man I'm annoying) it's a great write; I really enjoyed it
Maria
Partner in Crime
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you did a excellent penning
I was revivited to the very end, and held my breath not knowing what would happen,
Blessings always
R
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"I just need sometime to think, I may or may not be back, but know that I love you, that you'll always be my world. And remember its not you its me, Signed your lover and your friend."
---Ever so popular words.
The rest is breath taking. Just wow....
Gret write!
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Aw. i could feel all of your emotion in this poem, at times it was like i was living these moments myself. Thanks for entering my contest (: i wish you luck
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Heart-Breaking To Read. Good Luck In The Contests
Erica Xx -
Aww so sad. That is heartbreaking!
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Wow!
I really like this.. in a morbid kinda way. It is very well written. Is this relating to something that actually happened?
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i like the poem, but if you dont mind me adding i hated the end. the women in this story / poem is really weak. not sure many would really do that, kill themselves and leave the child alone... or cud be.. i dunno...
on the other hand i really like the flow of your poem. its quite gripping..
i didnt loose interest till the end.
all in all a great write..
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wow. this blew me away. it was heartbreakingly wonderful how you expressed yourself.
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Wonderful
Very well done. A great creation. so very well expressed. Best of luck in the contest.
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This made me want to cry. God it was sad. You have a real amazing way with writing sad things, you know that Josh?
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Very deep!!!
This makes me really angry, how can someone do something so selfish! I enjoyed reading these heart felt words so often we destroy ourselves and our surroundings because of love, I like the baby in it, because betrayl makes us kinda act like children I love the line:
On that third day,
a rage overtook me,
I upturned the bed,
broke every glass in the house,
and there on the walls,
written in lipstick, all over the walls said:
"I hate you, you stupid S.O.B"
I feel you on this!!! Good job, thanks for the entry and good luck! -
Positive: really showed anger and also really did a great job of expressing the characters and allowing us to feel for them
Negative: this is just my personal preference is not for rant form but more a poetic argument with self, this was more a rant
thanks for entering -
Sad
This is an interesting poem. More like a story, but poetic in the way it's told. I hated the note, what was written in it!! Made me angry!! TBH I don't think the child was an effective touch - it felt more powerful just the two of the, but I can see that you were going for the sympathy
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nice poem with plenty of imagery. the story was haunting which made it that much better. thank you for entering and good luck
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Holy crap Joshy!
This was scary stuff, but powerful!!! I kept picturing the mom from the movie. wow. Just wow. Great job babe.
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wow that's deep bro and kind of scary in a way kind of lucky that my mom was strong enough even without my asshole of a father and yeah it's not always that case though i can feel the penetration in this poem way to go
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The emotions in this is strong! What a read. One can feel the pain, betrayal, love, loss everything in this one! You did a great job on it!
Best of luck in this contest!
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good
Good poem but try writing from your own point of view. You said your husband but from your picture your a man so unless...... -
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lmao, yes I am, but still its cool alot of the times to write from a different perspective.
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Incredible story. Wretchedly sorrowful ending. It seemed almost like comic relief that you put that smiley face in your notes.
Thanks for entering and best of luck in the contest.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~ -
this is sadd.
but very beautifully written!
the end was good
cheers!
- jo -
wow, this has a real twist at the end. i expected a happy ending, this is extreemly clever and very creatively written with a superb raw earthy ambience
thanks
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All i can say is, Wow!
Wow. I am in tears from reading this. Bravo and well done. Thank you for this absolutely amazing and moving poem. Thanks for the entry and good luck.
Ronin
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