I feel as if I'm suffocating,
My screams are drowned out by laughter.
It seems as if no one notices my pain,
But it's real and i can't stand it,
All because I feel as if I'm -
Tight-rope walking the razor's edge.
Author notes
My prompt was Tight-rope walking the razor's edge.
A contest entry
- DARK PROMPTS: I WANT "GREAT" SHORTS by IrishGypsyRose.
1000 points, ended December 31, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think? Please be honest...
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Omg ! the last line gave me the chills .It's really good .I like the imagery in here .
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Adored It
I really connected with this poem. We all know what it feels like to be ignored, for our pain to go unnoticed.
Really good write, darling. =]
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yes we all know the pain and pressure of being ignored. glad you like it
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Wow i like it! its jsut shots the pain! and emotioan it creates in such few but plenty words i ma being honest dear! have you ever considered a sequal to this?
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no not really. But i'm glad you like it enough to want a sequel
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great
great poem. i love the 3rd line -
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thanks im glad you liked it.
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I love it its you have used so much emotion in so few words the only thing i dont like is you used drown twice i think for the first like you could use another word like strangled or suffercated somthing to that effect.
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Perfect!
Now you have made that change I have nothing bad to say about it i really like it! well done its absouletlty perfect
XXX
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thanks for the help and comment
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is this better?
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Nicely Done
I like it. It is short, but to the point. It bespeaks of inner-turmoil that has started to simmer just below the surface. It also has a nice flow. Thank you for entering and best of luck in the contest. Yours,
Gypsy
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Thank you i'm glad you liked it.
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