I lay awake inside a waking night
In pools of sweat, my terror bursts in screams
An avatar so reels distorting fright,
A bell so struck in deep resounding streams
To pry on fears of longing, gnashing teeth...
On wasted lands demarcation, I seethe
A rage of boiling, fiery anger flows
My bodies changeling form of cursed and damned,
I am the wolf by moons delight below
And hunted hence as night to day, has slammed.
Yet, time has changed again in barren lands
As red my eyes by tidal moon bequeaths.
The change is stilled in death as blood remands
A timeless fallen wretch, my life has spanned.
In a list
A contest entry
- (my ap family) prewrite contest by serenity silvermoon.
490 points, ended January 28, 2009, 115 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Let me know How this makes you feel, what do you think?
Comments
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This is an amazing contemporary sonnet well penned in decasyllable. I have never seen this rhyme structure (Abab ccde deec dd) but it seems to work well especially for the dark genre.
Love,
Amera♥
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I think it's pretty good... I write alot of Gothic sort of material, so I can relate to this, but what I feel throughout this work is that it wants to lunge out beyond the strict confines of sonnet and become it's own distinct entity...there is a feeling of restriction which is inherent in it's form...and given the outlandish nature of subject, the caging of it is quite a bit odd. Although it flows nicely it lacks the shock and astound that the feral spirit of the work is capable of.
for example: I lay inside a waking night.
Sounds way better then it is there but breaks form...sonnet shmonet...go for full effect and syntax magic will happen -
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I apreaciate your opinion, but feel the vehicle I chose was right on target.
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