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Just a Dream

The world I imagined
the world I believed
it's all just a fantasy
but yet all so real

I see the light shining off the drops
I felt my hair sticking on my neck
I just wish the rain would last longer
because it was all just a dream

I am a bird soaring through the sky
though my new skills are not well yet
I crash through the clouds
and land in a lover's arms
too bad it was only just a dream

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • ZachP silver member
    January 4
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    One of my favorite songs is called "Ce N'était qu'un Rêve" which is French for "It was Only A Dream".

    Such a simple, beautiful and sweet poems. This is a dream that I, and many others, have cherished many times through; and I'm still praying that God will make this come through.

    Keep dreaming,
    Zach


  • islekine gold member
    January 4
    Edit | Reply

    Short, but with wonderful thoughts...

    In the following lines----I would try to find a different word for "well" maybe "honed"?
    well just doesn't sound correct to me...
    I am a bird soaring through the sky
    though my new skills are not well yet

    Nice insight...Best wishes in the contest..and always!
    Write on!


  • KenKen Emmerick
    January 3
    Edit | Reply

    DREAMS

    simple piece, simple message, clearly put.


  • JadedSparrow
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    Ok, let me start off by saying that I enjoyed this piece. I would make a few small changes. In line 3 maybe change it to, "is nothing more than a fantasy." Line 4 "Yet so very real" Line 6 I would change felt to feel.

    JS


  • evilangel311
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    I can't really describe how i feel about this poem, its very simple and airy, very lovely, i like it. Keep up the good work =]

  • firewitch
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    I like this poem just like the title it is very dream like. I love the use of imagery i could imagine everything that was going in your poem.
    Blessings Firewitch

  • Bruce silver member
    December 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nice job! Our lives are built on dreams! Keep dreaming. You have some nice imagery, but saved the best for last!


  • greyhaime
    December 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    welcome to allpoetry

    I liked how it came round to itself in the end. but as some would say all we have is our dreams, thanks for sharing this with us here.and for joining the site.keep up the writing,,

    cheers


  • cupcakealia
    December 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Hmm you seem quite like a dreamer like me

1 - 9 of 9