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cold afternoon

 

 

 

 

 

(i)

 

you cried sunflower oil
and i collected the roots
of a long forgotten
cold breath
and planted it
in the wing of a paper bird
flying north
across stone patio walls

making the sound
of an elderly widow

awaiting death
by a tearful shadow

(ii)

 

a swan bathed in your oil
it's throat
inhaling my hunger
and a song that you could not sing

i was wrinkled
holding a candle west of the
sunshine resonance

(iii)

 

the moon sounded my name

 

where a child
could chase butterflies
in this existence


only stopping

upon feeling the devastating
emotion of happiness

(iv)

 

i stood breathless
in a photograph
of a Chinese river setting
holding your beads
up to the warmth
of a summer rainfall

asking a somber boat
in the distance
where a morning
once lived with her ashes

why it took
her voice away
from me.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

- inspirational credit to

"an autumn afternoon"- (ozu 1962)

& Franz Schubert - Piano Sonata D. 959


"recovery of a lost one"

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10
  • 9/10 - creativity, without getting off topic
    8/10 - poetic devices/technique
    10/10 - imagery
    9/10 - emotion

    Total: 36/40

    Nothing to improve on here.


  • Ryno
    January 13
    Edit | Reply

    37/40

    9/10 - creativity, without getting off topic
    9/10 - poetic devices/technique
    10/10 - imagery
    9/10 - emotion

    Loved your imagery, and your take with this Dramatic Situation. The emotion behind it is striking and powerfully...

    well penned. Thanks for the entry.


  • Ditt0
    January 8
    Edit | Reply

    @#$%^&*()

    It is abstract and gorgeous, and pray, I cant say anymore...


  • BehindTheShadow
    January 1
    Edit | Reply
    WoW!


  • chloris
    December 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow. you can mention two senses as parallels so perfectly. uff... yes yes i love you.


  • acoustical
    December 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you are something great.

    i am bookmarking and coming back. because i want to give this my full attention.


  • notorious gold member
    December 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    So, I'm starting to think
    you're the only poet
    who can make grammatical errors
    and not have me spazz about that.

    "you cried sunflower oil"
    Holy damn.
    That's a frickin awesome opening line, not to mention full of depth, detached observation and well, oiliness in the sense that you have to rub it off to absorb the rest of your awesomeness (hmm...my adjectives are getting redundant).

    I liked that second vignette unequivocally, and especially how the oil was referenced.
    And swans are elegant bitches, aren't they?

    "upon feeling the devastating
    emotion of happiness"
    You freak - how do you write stuff like this?! It's amazing, completely contradictory and well, bloody awesome.

    "i stood breathless
    in a photograph
    of a Chinese river setting"
    That sounds so lost in time, lost in thoughts.
    And, Chinese!
    <==had to...

    Last 3 lines...
    yesyesyes.

    ;
    Jessica


  • divebar
    December 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    .

  • vertigo beat
    December 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    glad you posted it


  • insideinsanity
    December 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow...

    I'm not really sure what to say about this piece, because it's so abstract, but I love it.

1 - 10 of 10