we met,
on old wooden swings;
playing catch-up
and on a merry-go-round,
our first kiss…
spun young hearts, into a frenzy
and I can never tire, the excitement I felt
as we climbed the latter to heaven,
with you up above me,
and how we’d glide__ bobsled style
down warm steel~
into a pool… of forever’s
Author notes
prompt; L O V E
a different spin to cliché
hope it's suitable
A contest entry
- love by Melissa Gayle.
1000 points, ended December 29, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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this is so pretty and deep of emotion,thoughts and hope(ladder)of life is a promise to contine the golden sleigh ride to something new, good luck
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I don't care for the line breakage and placement at all - personal preference and all.
This is a sweet piece, though I wouldn't use "of forever's" on the final line -
to me, it screams cliche. Otherwise very sweet -
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lol...actually i wasnt goiing to enter this contest, but after reading the contest comments
i thought id add a little more to the maddness
oh i changed 'passion' to foever's thinking it too cliche
happy new year mells
mal
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awwwwwww
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