frozen marsh rushes
rattle in the passing gale
-cirrus sky above
Author notes
A poem in the "technique of the sketch" or Shiki's "shasei":
"Though this technique is often given Shiki's term shasei (sketch from life) or shajitsu (reality) it had been in use since the beginning of poetry in the Orient. The poetic principle is "to depict as is".
The reason he took it up as a 'cause' and thus, made it famous, was his own rebellion against the many other techniques used in haiku. Shiki ... hated word-plays, puns, riddles. He favored the quiet simplicity of just stating what he saw without anything else having to happen in the ku. He found the greatest beauty in the common sight, simply said. And (most) of his haiku were written in his style. And many people still feel he was right. And there are some moments which are perhaps best said as simply as it is possible. " -Jane Reichhold http://www.ahapoetry.com/haiku.htm
I find this technique very hard to master: even writing haiku I am wantonly given over to simile, metaphor, anthropomorphisms and worse...
In a list
A contest entry
- HAIKU by Malabu.
800 points, ended February 2, 44 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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frozen marsh rushes
rattle in the passing gale
-cirrus sky above
my thoughts
a frozen marsh rush--
rattles in the passing gale
-cirrus sky above
rush as to raise one's awareness with delight
i like this
also kudo's to you for participation and commentary to others
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Thank's for your constructive comments and the h.m., "Malabu".
I always enjoy haiku contests and try to read all the entries.
I took to heart you contest instructions and tried to make a poem from nature and not from words. Thank you for your vigorous exhortations!
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well done . . good luck in the contest !!
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This is lovely and picture perfect. I could see the frozen marsh and clouds clearly in my mind. Well done!
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Merci beaucoup!
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lol you might be taken over by all those things but I can't write one worth a zac! This one though is very good
C
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Thanks kindly!
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This is really amazing. You have painted a portrait, a mood--one that would take an artist thousands of brushstrokes, but here... three short lines. Excellent. I really was impressed with this!
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I think this was just right and did actually give me a vivid picture to look at. I read your authors notes and since i am not one for Haiku writings that much, i found this quite inviting and i felt at ease with it. Well done.
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nice 'ku
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thankee'
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Ahh, the compexity of simplicity, the irony being that this does not take shape as a natural inclination but is shaped by an inclination to conform to a school of thought. You portray a moment in time and allow it movement and natural momentum whilst still imbuing a certain stillness. Neat and not easily achieved.
NB my handwriting need not be downsized per se re postcard size of traditional form. Here in the UK we have postcards that fold out with several pictures interspaced with sections to write, they are akin to receiving little storybooks
I started to post my attempts at writing poetically under the remit of postcards after a scathingly destructive comment from a poetess. At first I couldn't post a comment let alone a poem, but then recalled the pleasure my Grandad had taken in receiving my postcards, when he passed away amongst his few personal possesions were the huge volume of postcards. Anyhow, I felt by titling my creativity postcards it would not seem as if I was making a statement that I hoped it was pure poetry, my ramblings are most certainly not, it enabled me to still post and with the bonus that there is no postage to pay even though these postcards are read across the pond and beyond sometimes.
Thankyou for wading your way through my latest postcard dear poet.
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Thanks, Yvette for your remarks. Thanks also for explaining a bit of the seeds & roots of your "post-cards"! I love to send and receive post cards but here in Canada I've never seen anyone send such "postcard pamphlets" as you sent to your Gran'dad. Very original way to get around a bout of "writers block"!
Poetry, ramblings, postcards...what ever they are they are always surprising! -
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Thankyou...
Surprizing is a nice way to describe the rambling! Smiling here, yes it is a good job there are such pamphlet style ones, maybe in the new year I may write you one
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the contrasts in the first line are great, altogether a wonderful "shasei"
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...thanks for the encouragements!
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I see you stuck with the 5-7-5 format here. Excellent nature theme here. It is sometimes hard to avoid simile, metaphor, and anthropomorphisms in writing. I suppose that's why modern haiku or pseudohaiku sprang up to cover a more broad spectrum of thoughts and subject matter. Best of luck to you.
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I have written haiku & tanka before, which I find difficult, due to the required brevity. I tend to need a full (notebook) page to release my thoughts. You have done quite well here, Scribe. Very vivid, visual...one we can imagine quite easily. Good luck in Albert's contest, my Friend. 
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Thank you kindly Wanda!
Don't restrain yourself to 3 lines! You were made to paint murals not tea cups!
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