"I don't feel like loving you today, but you know I will anyway [...]"
The lyrics to "our" song ring in my ear
as I wait and expect, to hear your voicemail pick up
Your voice, always a welcome and beautiful sound
I need your guidance, I am lost on this dark,
unfamiliar road and in my own life
I'm too afraid to turn back
but even more scared to move forward
tears scream down my cheeks
I ask only for your friendship,
but even that is too much to ask
I just need to hear you say "It will be okay"
I forget....
this is a friendship of convenience, your convenience
we are 7-8; Sunday through Thursday friends
This converstaion does not fit into our routine
sterile, hospital like friendship
You hear my sobs and say "if you need me,
give me a call"
As if my calling you did not express, need.
I weigh my options
go back to the hell I call home
or drive my car off the cliff I called you from
I should thank you, for the reality that I dont matter
not even to my "best friend'
I turn on the engine....
Author notes
Have you ever needed someone so badly only to have them turn their back on you?
In a list
dont know...
Comments
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Oh my, firstly I rarely notice or comment on a picture but oh what a delightful picture of mom and babe, made my heart smile, it says serenity in every language dear poetess. The title of this has immediate impact, the penultimate stanza stands alone for me, it compounds how the hellish feeling is within you wherever you are as you are lost at home and when away from home just as lost. In reply to your AN, yes, time and time again. Hope you find the strength to neither look back nor to try and find what you need but to enjoy being you and enjoy all you are able to do fully. You deserve a friendship that is a two way street and not one that has you cornered in the horseshoe shape of a cul de sac. Sunday through to Thursday friends who clockwatch rarely care enough to make amends.
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The picture is me and my nephew. But he is serenity!!!!
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Oh darling...
I read this and I ached so badly for you because it is unfair to have such a relationship.
70/30. Where one of you cares so much more than the other.
The ending is a kick in the teeth. Effective and brutal.
I love you. Don't forget that
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Thank you My BBT
Life isn't always fair. I'm still learning how to survive this life.
xoxo,
Criss
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