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Whence the kiss came


I could never be more chaste
than as your lover
hands standing on the words
they call your lips


those arms
could kiss my doubts away
forever
if I but knew that pressure
was the presence

 

 

of Your tongue




A contest entry

Critical Review Desired

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Angelflower
    December 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Bravo! moving and beautiful! you have always had a way with words, that tends to shock me! I believe that this is one of my favs from you, again bravo! best of luck in the contest hun.

    Angel


  • Nakatrea
    December 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    -happy sigh- I REALLY like this one. It's truly amazing. You paint very nice images with words. ♥♥♥

    Kat


  • Never Fall in Love
    December 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • And Hyetal
    December 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It's been too long since I've read your poetry and chatted with you.

    What I think would have been better in this poem is if you would have used punctuation. It seems a bit run-on as it is. I like how you didn't put anything after 'of Your tongue', though.

    'those arms
    could kiss my doubts away'

    Those lines were a little bit confusing. But I loved:

    'if I but knew that pressure
    was the presence'

    Good to see you again, Marty.

    ~Cassie