my feet are dappled; like ducks,
we nudged through lily-stems
and the rotting clumps of frogspawn
stillborn from summer’s glut. my toes
dug branches from the muck, prying loose
an old gold ring, a tarnished silver knife, and
a mother-of-pearl bracelet
set in bronze. there was no reason to bend, to let my hair
fall across the surface of the water - like
autumn leaves, like sea-weed,
like straggled strands of keratin
three months dead.
no reason
to duck my fingers down, down,
except to pluck a leech
from the side of one mud-slicked leg, or perhaps
to dig a finger-bone loose
from the pierced ache of my flesh.
Author notes
*sigh* I do wish my muse would cheer up a little. Oh well!
Username: macey muse
First name [or name you will like to go by that is not your username]: Jen or w/e ^.^
Age: 18
General poetic style: weirdness. Free-verse, odd line breaks, twisty words & metaphors. Also sonnets.
Why you’re interested in this contest: because I really want to write more, and these contests inspire me
A contest entry
- AP X Factor: Round One [Auditions] by sideways hourglass.
650 points, ended January 1, 31 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - think you should be on my favorites? let me know why. by stasis.
400 points, ended April 25, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Whatever your future vocation,
you must never forget you are a fine free verse poet. I enjoyed this poem very much although it is dark. It takes the mind along the sad Avon river and to that poignant Shakespearean result.
Thank you.
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oh ouch!
... im going to be watching you; youre pretty awesome
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Congratulations! You are one of the 16 finalist to make it to the mainstream of the competition. To confirm your interest in competing, please apply to the group ASAP. Just include an emoticon or whatever you want in the application.
http://allpoetry.com/group/info/The%20X%20Factor?stay=1 -
94
originality: 10
creativity/poetic devices: 9
mechanics: 10
balance of images/ideas: 9
personality/emotion: 8
line breaking/structure: 9
personal opinion: 9
title: 5
rules followed: 5
focus: 5
cohesion: 5
diction: 5
syntax: 5
[extra credit] X Factor: 0
TOTAL POSSIBLE: 100
You have so many good ideas here. I'm a sucker for imagery and you sure gave us imagery. You made me see and feel everything.
I can tell you are one of those poets who are going to blow us away later in the competition.
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94
originality: 10/10
creativity/poetic devices: 8/10
mechanics: 10/10
balance of images/ideas: 10/10
personality/emotion: 8/10
line breaking/structure: 9/10
personal opinion: 9/10
title: 5/5
rules followed: 5/5
focus: 5/5
cohesion: 5/5
diction: 5/5
syntax: 5/5
[extra credit] X Factor: 0/5
TOTAL: 94/100
You have heard this many times from me, but your style is very unique - that alone makes the poetry interesting. On top of that, you have a consistent metaphor and theme - I like the lake theme; it's cool how you took images that you find around a lake and applied them metaphorically to the poem. It made for a very cohesive result. It's great to see your poetry again.
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89
originality: 10/10
creativity/poetic devices: 8/10
mechanics: 10/10
balance of images/ideas: 9/10
personality/emotion: 8/10
line breaking/structure: 6/10
personal opinion: 8/10
title: 5/5
rules followed: 5/5
focus: 5/5
cohesion: 5/5
diction: 5/5
syntax: 5/5
[extra credit] X Factor: 0/5
TOTAL: 89/100
Overall, this piece is good...it's original, creative and holds much potential. For me though, the line-breaking isn't good and the emphasis is placed in the wrong places. An edit should see a rise in the other judges' scores...you have a good write here, but I feel that with a little more application on your part, you could have a great piece.
Laura
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Yeah, I - edited the line-breaks, saved it, and forgot how it had originally been spaced. *sigh* let's see if I can fix that.
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