.
you sent me hands
dressed in flowers and
clay; thought the
memory of archaeology,
history, and naval
engineering would somehow
be enough to twist
the clock backwards
maybe you were right
comfort is subjective;
that fireplace illusion
of coming home may be
enough to smooth the edges
of three-dimensional anger
though i was never adept
at physics, my role was
to add characterisation;
humanise knowledge,
to become palatable to
the world at large
together we created
citrus scent of
orange contentment
.
A contest entry
- love by Melissa Gayle.
1000 points, ended December 29, 2008, 22 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
This is a draft - be as harsh as you like.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This is very well written. I really enjoyed "maybe you were right." It ties together the first stanza (:. Keep working on it for sure!
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MAZEL TOV
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i love how un-cliched this is! you have such new and fresh imagery!
i just think that the last stanza is a bit awkward. maybe you could change it to a citrus scent or the citrus scent or something like that. just a suggestion
i love how you said to "twist the clock backwards" twist completely adds to the atmosphere of this poem.
and the title is so original and creative!
great write and congrats on the gold!!
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Ohohoh and did I ever tell you
I find that title intriguing as hell? -
'archaeology' can be spelled both ways...so you could just leave it as 'archeology', although I think 'archaeology' is more prevalent.
This of course, makes me think of A Clockwork Orange (in terms of the title, not the movie...seeing as I have yet to watch it).
You have a shitload of cool imagery,
but I think my favorite part would have to be:
"that fireplace illusion
of coming home may be
enough to smooth the edges
of three-dimensional anger"
Yeah...it's got great imagery, a sense of sarcasm, and "three-dimensional anger" is too great.
;
Jessica
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Kudos
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This is gorgeous love.
Not that I am surprised
Your words create the most beautiful of images, and the clay filled hands made me think of the movie Ghost
Shari
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[archeology] -- should be [archaeology]
i like this pol!!
(pssst; it's meg
)
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Superb!
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I love when there is no cliche.
Really great write
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