My hopes are crushed
and my smile is broken,
a pile of cracked pieces
lying at my feet.
Happiness is foreign,
and all my tears are spent.
But still the faint markings remain,
a constant reminder of the pain.
I swept up all the bits
and I tried to glue it back together.
But I think it came out wrong.
Isn't an upside-down smile, really just a frown?
Author notes
I'm starting to doubt my mental health.
Tell me what you think?
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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I have been Blah. I think everyone has been Blah.
Loved this line:
"faint markings still remain
constant reminders of the pain."
Nice rhymed line that keeps your flow and rhythm in this poem.
Nicely done. I enjoyed this. ~Pamela
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I really liked this
well one -
yes I do believe it is
nice conclusion -
My favourite line is:
"But still the faint markings remain" <== very true of all our experiences, good and bad.
Nothing is ever so broken that it cannot be repaired I've found in life.
(second to last line, need an "it" in there... "but I think it came out wrong")
Very sad write.. we've all doubted ourselves this way. I'm fairly certain you are sane though sweetheart.
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depends.
i think your healthier than the rest of us..
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[ha, oops. *moves to the little send message box*]
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[nope, it lets me reply to everything else except for on a poem. I need a new computer...]
aww, that's sad =[ -
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[*hits computer again* Are we just gonna talk on the poem forever then?]
Eh, I'm also on like 6 different perscriptions, half of which don't even do their job because they're not entirely sure what's wrong with me so they just guessed.
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[*computer is shocked*]
eh, who knows? -
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[Yes I knew it'd be shocked
, but is it working now?]
Actually apparently there are multiple things wrong with my head *yay*
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(sorry, my stupid computer won't let me reply to your comment off of my... comment]
Oh... gotcha. I was gonna say, maybe your mental health does need to be checked if you thought that was stupid. XD -
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[
Nu! *slaps computer*]
My mental health needs to be checked anyway probably.
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It was meant to be stupid? Then you failed... it's very good.It had wonderful flow- don't doubt your mental health, from my point of view it's perfectly fine. But then again.... I don't know you =]. I LOVED the last line about the smiley face
♥,
Ashley -
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No it wasn't, just stupid me forgot to change the message from when I really did write a really stupid poem >.<
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Great flow and rhythm. I like the subtle rhymes and the imagery! A great write. Loved the last line
Well done love.
Much love
Ylova
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There was rhyme?
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But still the faint markings remain,
a constant reminder of the pain.
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Oh, ooops. Didn't mean to do it >.<
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I know. It doesn't seem forced at all and it's good. Don't touch it! Hehe
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K....I won't. Promise.
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