I can read your face
from across a room
it broadcasts passion
as your sly smile
with squinting eyes
makes me salivate
like Pavlov’s dog.
A contest entry
- love by Melissa Gayle.
1000 points, ended December 29, 2008, 22 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Alright! Now you set the stage for anticipation and you tied it to the next strophe gently but passionately. Well done :-) OH!...Congratulations on your bronze :-) yao
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I think that the last stanza will work with the first if you use another word besides "volumes". That word makes it too general...I will suggest a more direct approach like 'speaks sex, or speaks love or something like that but more specific you know? Then adjust the last stanza to run with the first.
I know we just met but I thought I would offer the honesty of my perceptions. I won't anymore if you don't want this kind of suggestion.
Respectfully, yao :-) -
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Yes, point taken, check it out and tell me what you think.
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lol. Sweetness
you have such talent daddo. best of luck in the contest.
Angel
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I love the honesty with which you write especially when it comes to the more personal emotions.
Best wishes in the contest dear.
Love Margaret
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Honestly, I'd do without the last stanza - then it would be excellent, succinct and totally unique
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Point taken...thanks Melissa.
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