Filling up with terrifying visions.
Behind my eyes, the resulting decisions.
Slowly the Jack drowns it away.
Back stabbing betrayal bleeds me dry,
words seen that have no other imply.
Slowly the Jack takes its sway.
Looking down a bottle, no answer found;
Can't decide if I do or don't want you 'round.
Seeing double become routine.
High B.A.C. to counter this hate inside me,
threatening Death upon those I see.
Jack stupors the beast unseen.
Another glass, another bottle, consumed,
veins pumping napalm unassumed.
Now more liquor in me than blood.
Knife, drain these acid rivers
the release sending me shivers,
Blood, bright 'nough seems to glow.
Fumble brief in a pocket,
the spark to light a rocket.
A lighter to let the fire blow.
Leave no memory unscorched,
be sure each is fully torched,
I welcome the agonizing bliss.
Quite possible to prevent,
if you had the incent',
but I am one, I see, not to miss.
A contest entry
- Mental Asylum [INVITE ONLY] by Never Fall in Love.
1750 points, ended June 11, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How did I do?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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You really should write more often.
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I would if only my writing didn't always seem to be self-pitying and morbid, but that's the only time that it's any good anymore.... and I don't want to seem like some emo cutter that hates life or something. Even though I do hate life... not all life, just mine and the shit that I"m put through, but THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT! I cannot write. I suck now. I suck hard.
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it brews like a kettle...
I like the way it builds and builds;
gathering speed; ready to blow.
Kool write, Les Vans Ober -
ohhh a big block of words! Well, let's see if you can draw me through it all... I see rhyming couplets... that should help... no, not exactly couplets, maybe some more complicated form with no line spaces between the stanzas... (like aabccb) no, it doesn't repeat... so a free-form rhyming piece... (and now I'm completely distracted!) ok, back to reading... the feeling becomes intense in the second half, and things begin to flow... but the end is obscure... and you've gone back to the aabccb, and I see another in the middle... spaces between stanzas sure would have helped... it's a bit awkward without them- the bccb's come up unawares and out of sync...
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i love it, nick
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Thanks
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