I n the movies, time
R uns slower whenever two lovers first meet.
E very
M oment
E longated, blown glass still red-hot and not yet ready to shatter,
M oths drawn to lanterns. When I met Caroline,
B efore I understood how time ticked,
E verything happened all at once. Time
R an away, and we chased it, out of breath.
Y et all night, as I held her
O utside, among the cracking, ripping leaves, as the
U niverse watched
R ivers fall down gutters and turn over and over,
N ever resting
A gainst gravity's downward current, I couldn't help wishing we had
M et on other terms. Maybe it wouldn't have
E nded that way.
A contest entry
- love by Melissa Gayle.
1000 points, ended December 29, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Win $50, and be published in the next Allpoetry Book! Relationships theme by Kevin.
400 points, ended March 5, 115 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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WOW this is breathtaking. I mean I felt this poem so very deeply that my heart aches. It is actually downright haunting. I have never fell for an Acrostic like this before, and I can only be envious that I have never been able to pen an Acrostic into such a masterpiece.
many readers may not know that it is an Acrostic without you stating it in the title because of the letters not being capitalized and the word not matching the title; and you should always be able to tell the form right off the bat; however I find it hard to hold that against such a remarkable poet!
Amy
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Sad.
Normally I'm not a fan of the acrostic style, but you have captured a moment in time beautifully here. Bravo.
There are points where the flow is interrupted, but I think in the entirity of the work... I like it.
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i can't really describe this but it made me feel the current(?) of love described.
but the language is choppy and its hard to try and get lost in it -
nix the exclamation marks.
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First I would suggest NOT doing an acrostic - you are forcing it.
While you have the emotion and some (only some) images, you have no real spark here.
This seems more like a diary entry to me.
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I've been working closely with this form for a bit, and I'm still getting the hang of it. I think in this poem I wasn't as careful as I could be, and you're right that it certainly needs work, but I like the story it tells and I'll try rewriting it.
Thanks everyone for the criticism.
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