We were a society devoted to the ending of this world-
awaiting for when it would burst into subtle flames.
The trickle down effect, we assumed-
they would take the blame for us.
This way we could depart,
close our eyes and pretend that we too
are blessed.
A curious sort of dread began to fill our veins,
as we noted the ever nearing problem,
once pale hands were stained a crimson red.
A shock, a glimmer of this bitter truth
and we were tossed backwards-
tossed from our dreams in agony.
Author notes
Society, Blame, Devoted, World, depart , curious, dread, problem, red, glimmer
A contest entry
- May I Prompt You? X - Word Bank by Manda Kathryn.
400 points, ended January 11, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be harsh, be specific.
Comments
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I liked it. There was a really strong – I don't know quite know what the right word is – but sort of like an underlying image, except it's not an image, it's more of an idea [I guess?] which made the poem work pretty well. There was a good rhythm to most of the poem, as well, except the last two lines of the last two stanzas – they had a different beat than the rest of it. If the second-to-last stanza could be rephrased a bit, to fit better with the beginning, then the ending would be a lot stronger; it's about a break from the ideology of the beginning, and if sound of the poem were to change there also I think it would be a great way to end it.
Of course, that's entirely my opinion
and you don't have to agree at all. Good luck in the contest!
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