I turn off the lights
I slip under the covers
Slowly I fall into a deep sleep
I notice some doors ahead of me
And I choose to open the white one
There is a picnic with my lover and me
We are having Hamburgers and French fries
I bite down and I look down at maggots and I throw up
The next thing I see is blood, my lover’s face is cracked, and I start running
I peek back once and notice my lover enjoying his maggot free meal appearing normal
I open the door, slam it then I stare at a blue and a black door
My second choice is the black door.
I open it and observe my dead lover’s fractured face, broken bones, and expressionless visage
I freak out and as I back away I watch another coffin, inside it is my exhumed broken body
Speechless I glance at my carcass rise telling me my own selfishness has been my downfall.
Everything I ever cherished was destroyed by own hands
I tearfully leave through the black door
I come upon a blue door and I realize I don’t know if I am ready to enter it
Reluctantly I open the blue door
I am expecting to witness broken faces, shattered dreams, selfish ambition
And all I can make out are blue broken faces but I don’t recognize any of them
I am just saturated in sadness and I don’t know why
I can’t elude the everlasting misery
Author notes
When I was coming up with this piece I was thinking about dreams. Dreams and emotions are always intertwined. So I googled some websites about dreams. I came upon one website. http://dreammoods.com/cgibin/dreamdictionarysearch.pl?method=exact&header=dreamsymbol&search=death. I learned that we forgot 50% of what we learn after five minutes of our dreams and 90% of what we learn after ten minutes from dreams from the website.
A contest entry
- the emotional rounds - 2 by Ryno.
600 points, ended January 10, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Excellent
Wow, you sure captured the title so very well. And with a very well crafted write. Thank you for sharing.
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I am so glad that you entered this rounds contest. I know I will be seeing you around soon.
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I loved the concept and the idea behind this piece. The dream kind of worked out to relate to our own life and what confusion is... so many paths, not knowing where to go, or how to fully understand each one.
However, I think this could be smoothed out a little more effectively. You overused the word "see"... and I find, when you tend to say "I see ____ ", it takes away from the strength of the imagery. It also makes your poetic tone have hiccups. Having "I see this, I see that" just makes the piece feel like a series of statements, instead of in a poetic-like-tone... I personally feel.
You really did have a fantastic idea behind this, I just think it needs to be phrased stronger. Wonderful mind you got.
Thanks for the entry. -
OH!
I personally think you did a very good job.
This is very fascinating! The dream is very excuisite.
Thanks for sharing,
good luck in the contest.
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