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Divided

 

 

 

Drunken is his reality
                 looping back and forth.


Repeating already solved issues.


Planting in his mind
                 mines of thoughts.

Indecisive, unfound & closed.
Blindly searching for an escape route…

Words swim in the juice of events… corrupted.

Shameful are his down-cast wings.
As his eyes try to take flight; he dives
into the seas of this hilarious life…
chased by the inability to find
                                        an end.

Laughter is too painful and wounds…
                                           feel so sweet.

Many voices chasing each other

                                 in his self-core
crashing at the checkpoint.


Realization is finally located

He’s not mad.
                He’s just utterly confused.

 

 

 

 

 

 

(C) Noor 12/27/2008 

Author notes

Contest prompt:
Round 2: Confusion
Round 1: Love

Picture found on google.

 

Will edit more when I get my muse.

 

Thanks for reading! 

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Ryno
    January 9

    Edit | Reply
    The starting of this piece really pulled me in. It had a powerful phrase and kind of foreshadowed what the piece would be about.

    I loved you gab at trying to "define" what confusion is in poetry. A lot of people try to do that, with any emotion, really, and it doesn't always work out... but I think the power behind your words in this is what made it strong.

    I especially feel this write could've been stronger if you tied in characterization with this. The guy's confusion was well described, but if there was a stronger character and his life at the moment that weaved in through the descriptions - it would especially be strong. And, I think it would help the ending out too. I thought, without it, the ending wasn't as strong as it could be.

    "Shameful are his down-cast wings.
    As his eyes try to take flight; he dives
    into the seas of this hilarious life…
    chased by the inability to find
    an end."

    I loved this part. It told of so much, in the image had such a strong concept behind it, so powerful. My only suggestions would be... the word hilarious. I don't feel it quite gets at what you are trying to portray, and I am thinking that you need another strong word that just kind of... "clicks". You know? Just my personal feeling. Really though, this part was so well done.

    Overall, I think you took the emotion literally, and hit the nail on the head, or the hammer on the head... or however that phrase goes... at trying to capture how it may really make one feel.

    Thanks for the entry.


  • poetryality silver member
    January 8

    Edit | Reply
    The intensity of this writ is powerful! It strikes a chord in my deepest heart. I am an addict in recovery for some time now, and every now and again I run across a poem here that is more like a revelation. It is hard for the drunk, junkie, addict...to see the error of their selfish ways. Poetry like this is a heartfelt reminder that we not only bring harm to ourselves but to those who love us. Your words make me see the subject's confusion as well as the poet's. Excellent work! I wish you well in the challenge.


    Much Love & Respect ♥

    Renee


  • lunarlunacy
    December 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    that last line seems rather familiar


    • Hikari Lady
      December 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Is it? lol, I think i heard it once in a movie or something.


  • Ken-Maverick
    December 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your love life isnt going so well eh?
    What can i say... guys can be pricks sometimes,
    you did really well with this one

    All the best to you

    Ken


  • mcope8050
    December 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wHAT AN AWESOME PICTURE FOR THIS WRITE,,, I am somewhat speechless when I read your work,,, AMAZED by everything that you write,,,, and enjoy them more and more,,,Thanks for sharing your beauty and talent.
    MICHAEL

    The title DIVIDED could be no better,,,, It IS what this poem IS,,,divided, PERFECT


  • XneverXgoodXenoughX
    December 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow. this all sounds so painful..... you did a great job on this one

1 - 7 of 7