iris wept like a stone crushed to chalk to write my mind that has led away from the heart beating fast at the thought but not said these words spoke alone with my fear of the dark like your eyes of a raven to quoth evermore will you stave them the idle ponderings of your desperate soul alone without the piece to make you whole
Author notes
I wrote this in an unsual style, it's short, it was intended to be something like, iris wept like a stone, a stone crushed to chalk.... i just drew everything together and i kind of liked the result
Say anything you want.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
I usually shy away from the format of paragraph type poems, but this was astounding.
alone without the piece to make you whole
Gorgeous.
-
Very interesting. I liked reading it.
-
Hehe, nice. I've actually written a few in this more paragraph-y style.
Anyway. It seems a bit desolate, alone in a crushed world. It's nicely written though; my only suggestion would be to add some punctuation and capitalisation - even though I like the effect.
The title, though, seems almost to contradict the actual essence of the poem. Although, really, I guess it might be understandable if that missing piece to make whole is the piece of freedom.
-
very unusual,,, i like the words, but had some trouble following it,,, as I reread it I was able to seperate the thoughts, in a way that I thought they made sense, Your talent for words is obvious and I'd be interested to read more of your work,,, thanks for sharing
-
that's very interesting.
like a stream-of-consciousness exercise, almost.
i like the rhymes. the accidental feel of them reminds me of some of shakespeare's blank verse with couplets in it.
((yeah. yeah i did just compare you to shakespeare.))
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
