Just Another Poem In The Night

I dont think you realize how much I really care.
Sometimes I wonder if my feelings are even there.
I try to keep them locked deep inside;
I'm afraid if you see them I'll have to hide
Who I am even more- I can never let you see
That scary, emotional, crazy side of me.
Sometimes it peaks through- scares me bad;
I'm afraid to lose the best friendship I've had
With someone I cared about since I got stabbed
By the person I cared for; I got my emotions grabbed
And twisted and destroyed untill they meant nothing.
What if this ends up never really being something?
I'm so afraid I'll never mean anything honest and real.
I've been so afraid to let myself feel
Because people run me into the ground-
Forget me without listening for the sound
Of me as I break when I let my guard down.
The sight of when I really have a breakdown.
I think you'll look at me and walk away like everyone,
When I wanted you to think I was someone
Worth more than an easy goodbye every day.
Who is more than the lies everyone says every day.
I'm not someone you can know just by one glance-
I'm someone that you need to be with and take a chance.
These are just more words on a piece of paper though,
I don't expect you to ever even want to know
Who I am, or why I am this way-
Why I'm not usually okay-
Why I'm sitting here writing you this long poem-
Wishing I could make it perfect with a great rhythm,
Even though I know you'll never read a word I write,
When it matters it's just another poem in the night.