Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

untitled

you imagine yourself being pushed downward
by the force of the water. people you know
stand around the edges of the pool
and throw their old belongings
in your light.
they turn still, holding their hands
behind their backs, except one man
shoveling dirt
in your view.

and you decided never
to forget anyone again.


and the day after the funeral, you are visiting
your mother
and the house is filled with those
closest to you;
it's a shame your child has died but the whole family
has voted and we all think that you should live your life.

Author notes

water and family-- two biggest fears

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7
  • unraveled
    December 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is really great. really really. lately i have been a huge fan of simplicity, this gives me what i was looking for without the extraneous images. the ending is quite stunning in that line "the whole family has voted and we all think that you should live your life"
    it's just a very... well crafted piece. you should give it a title though :

    i also have a fear of water. thank you for entering
    -cassidy

    • houseandcloud
      December 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      it does need a title, i just haven't been able to find one. and thank you so much for the gold.


  • redbird
    December 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i agree with mel

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    December 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is really well written.


  • Tinkerbell-Or-Me
    December 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "and you decided never
    to forget anyone again.


    and the day after the funeral, you are visiting
    your mother
    and the house is filled with those
    closest to you;
    it's a shame your child has died but the whole family
    has voted and we all think that you should live your life. "


    eeeek i love it.
    reminds me of the perks of being a wallflower
    and also when you go into a pool
    and you just let yourself float down to the bottom
    and you open your eyes and look around
    and you know that you could drown
    but...you don't want to move.

    though you're afraid of water, so i don't know if you're ever done that ;P
    <3

    • houseandcloud
      December 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      i have done that once, but somehow, confronting fears doesn't really make them go away. so i haven't done it since.
      i'm glad you like the poem.

1 - 7 of 7