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Darkness Seeps In

Watching the world
from my half closed eyes
i see all the darkness that is here

I watch people murder, rape, and steal
I watch them hate, kill, and feel

I can feel it all
.... all the emotions
all the hate
all the pain

It feels so good
I don't want it to go away
I can see the knife in my hand
And feel the anger as i see his face

The Darkness begins to seep in
As my hatred begins to grow

I hate him for everything he did
I hate him for who he is
I hate his personality
I hate how manipulative he is
I hate how he turns everyone against me
I hate how he puts me down
.....I hate him......
.....I hate him......

This hatred for him is like a sickness
I must rid myself of it before it gets worse

I hesitate as i hold the knife above his head
standing there wishing he was dead....
...then i feel it someone else's hate...
...the Darkness takes over....

....I bring the knife down hard hitting his back....
....Red sprays everywhere.....
....I do it again.....
....And again.....
....And again harder each time.....
....The sickness goes away....
....But the Darkness is still there....

....I hate him.....
....I hate him.....
....I hate him for making me this way.....
He can never do anything to me again!

But in the end Darkness won...
and now i know longer need to hate him....

The knife stays there while the red flows from his back...
...making a pool under him and going on to the floor
I lay in it...
basking in the joy
the sickness is gone

....the joy is wonderful
I'm red all over, and the Darkness loves it

.....I have come to love the Darkness and love the fear, the pain, the anger, the hate.....

Author notes

Lani Guy.....AKA: N1peacebaby


option number 2

I would just like to say that im not one to snap like this... this is just yet another part of my dark mentality! lol in real life i could never bring myself to do this... im too much of a hippie

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Luciferschild
    February 9

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    the poem was overall very emotional and powerful but the criticism i have is that some of the lines did not really need to be repeated


  • Miss Faerie Greeters member
    February 7

    Edit | Reply
    It is easy to see rage here. It is enough to show pain and see through the words to the reason that this has occured.

    I am sorry for your suffering.

    Shari


  • carebear123
    January 28
    Edit | Reply

    i liked it

    it brought out a lot of negitive emotion for you. i can tell by the way it was written. i can relate to that...to a cirtain point. i dont want to kill anyone though. i do get angry like that a lot. especially when someone i know hurts me. I hope i can become as good as a poet as you are.


  • Cyanide Dreams
    January 25
    Edit | Reply
    Well then, this was another interesting write. I'm glad you're not really like this. I'm not too sure about the all the elipses in the poem. Elipses are all the dots just in case you didn't know. I really liked this, and its another one of them styles that I usually don't like. It's very machositic. Very good. And good luck.


  • Progandother
    January 24

    Edit | Reply
    ...mmm...I enjoyed...the structure at which the number was different between each couplet was a nice touch...and completely raping the abuse of the dots...reminds me of someone...I think...overall the context of random killing and unhappiness tends to be overused but this was still done to an amazing standard...I'd say more...but...there's waay too many entries in this contest and I only have a few hours to comment on them all due to this accursed sickness...still...it was amazing...

    Oliver


  • snakeprincess742
    January 22

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    wow it reminds me of the darkness game , in that he gives the darkness cature control with is hate for his uncle , very deep indeed -hugs - i hope its just a dream right? lol


  • SheWasPreternatural
    December 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very, very twisted. Loved it- see some typos and mispellings but nothing terribly distractive. All in all it was compelling as the homicidal ending unraveled. I can feel your hate here like an iron punch to the face. captivating and cynical. a dark masterpiece- thank you for sharing.

  • starving-to-survive
    December 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Absolutly outstounding......what a fantastic write. I love this, it is so dark yet so deap and ful of emotion....i can relate so well. You have a lot of talent. You word choice is impecible. The emotions portrayed here stabs me like a knife into my heart. You really give me a reality check on life, and how not only have i been through shit, but there are good, kind people like you out there who have been though shit too....it makes me so sad. But a fantastic write and thank you for entering my contest c

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