The glass is cold and heartless
It holds me to the light
Reveals all in bitter pose
Makes all my flaws seem trite
Yet when I close my grey eyes
Behind this curtain drawn
Perceptions melt into the dark
Ugly duck becomes a swan
For in my mind, I see her
This inner woman, me
And in her awesome presence
All doubts and fears, they flee
There is this pulse within me
When all my soul lies bare
A dancing, graceful rhythm
Of which few are aware
But I alone can see her
This beauty of my heart
In robes of shimmered splendor
In shadows, light, and art
My shell is yet a part of me
Who needs a looking glass?
A look within my inner self
And I am me at last
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Good
This is a really beautiful and emotional poem. The last line is awkward, I would rewrite it "At last I am me" and then change the first line of the last stanza to "My shell is a cover" But great job! -
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Thank you for your comments, but I don't think your changes would work. The last line would no longer rhyme with the second line, and the first line would have a different length as compared to the rest of the poem. But thank you anyway.
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Loved it!
i read it 4 times!
beautifully written, with great flow and rhyme not the least bit forced
i especially liked the part:
"There is this pulse within me
When all my soul lies bare
A dancing, graceful rhythm
Of which few are aware"
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Thanks so much!!!
I am so very glad you liked it so much. Thanks for your very kind comments.
Blessings!
S
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maybe I'm wrong, I guess everyone has their own style. But what I meant was that in the first and third stanza in some of the verses you use long-sounding words. Then in the second and fourth stanzas you use short-sounding words. It creates the effect of a break in the verse. This is not always a bad effect though. Maybe you can experiment with it.
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Good poem
You have very good word choice and style. The only thing I found wrong with it is the meter made it seem fragmented. Your imagery is also good.
P.S. Maby, as an idea, you can start experimenting with what you can do with poems.
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Thank you. That's actually what I have done in the past; if you read my first few poems on this site, you'll see I've come quite a long ways. This isn't really my favourite poem, but I like the way it turned out. Thanks for commenting. I don't quite see the problem with the meter, except perhaps in the last line of the second stanza; had trouble with it there. Could you perhaps elaborate?
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This is really great! I really like how it's very open and not depressing. This also has a really nice flow and good rhyme. Thanks for sharing!
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I like the issue dealt with in this poem. It is clear to see that vanity and an almost obsessive interest in one's appearance is something that you dislike, in return what is on the inside which matters most, and I believe this to be very true. I also like the feeling of hope that is evident in this poem, and of course the choice of wording is also very nice.
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Thank you. I really appreciate your comments and perceptions. You read me perfectly through this. I am very glad you enjoyed my poem.
S
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Very good work, If only it were so easy for more of the world to embrace our flaws and see the beauty within. I'm very glad to see such a meaningful poem so elegantly presented. So many poets get lots and pretty words or complex rhythms that they lose sight of what they were trying to say in the first place. This is a lovely piece, it does itself justice, if that makes sense.
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Thanks so much! I really appreciate your comments.
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Good use of words
What stuck out in this one is your use of the word "awesome". It's probably the first time I've seen it used meaning "causing awe" rather than just the regular "cool" or "sweet". It also leaves me feeling rather good and I applaud your confidence. You do a great job of showing how you feel about yourself. My favorite lines have to be "In robes of shimmered splendor
In shadows, light, and art". I don't have anything to criticise on here, its a great poem and bound to be one of my favorites. -
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Thanks so much! Your comments are flattering and delightful. I am so glad you liked my poem. Blessings...
S
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Very beautifully written Your rhymes flow smoothly and completely unforced and there is a rhythmic quality as well as a fabulous, inspiring message. I can't really off critisism because I like this poem just the way it is.
s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
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BEAUTIFUL!!! Yes I see this image as well...this is a lovely verse...lovely like the one who penned it!
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